I know what you mean Hal. I saw it too but I didn't want to bring it up. No pun intended.
Joke of the Day
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I know what you mean Hal. I saw it too but I didn't want to bring it up. No pun intended.
Thought I would stir things up a bit. :biggrin:I know what you mean Hal. I saw it too but I didn't want to bring it up. No pun intended.
At least I didn't try to drive afterward. My Hoveround was parked all day.
the only real reason you need sleep is to fight off dementia. Once you hit a certain age that's more or less "part of the ball game" at that point anyhow, so who needs sleep? You and I are too busy for that nonsense anyhow. Market is open in six and a half hours, better consider a shower soon.
LWT ......... Mr. 02:45 :biggrin:
Yeah... I'm getting old. Was up cause my neck was hurting and I couldn't sleep.
Flattered that you chose to talk with us considering the pain and what not.
"Anyone with 'needs' to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar," the Preacher says.
Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I needs you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't 'til next Wednesday
Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Leroy replies: "Preacher, I needs you to pray for help with my hearing."
The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
Leroy says, "I don't know, Reverend, it ain't 'til next Wednesday
The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his apartment..
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is completely filled with soft,
sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the
bedroom, with hundreds and
hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears
carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears
covering the length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy to have
such a large collection of Teddy Bears.
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and after awhile
she finds herself thinking
"Oh my God!" Maybe this guy
could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?
She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known. After an intense explosive
night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
"Well,how was it?"
The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."
A woman meets a man in a bar.
They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.
They get back to his place,
and as he shows her around his apartment..
She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is completely filled with soft,
sweet, cuddly teddy bears.
There are three shelves in the
bedroom, with hundreds and
hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears
carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall!
It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them
and she was immediately touched
by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears
covering the length of the middle shelf,
and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.
She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy to have
such a large collection of Teddy Bears.
She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and after awhile
she finds herself thinking
"Oh my God!" Maybe this guy
could be the one!
Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?
She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.
They continue to kiss, the passion builds,
and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into his bedroom
where they rip off each other's
clothes and make hot steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she
responds with more passion,
more creativity, more heat than she
has ever known. After an intense explosive
night of raw passion with this sensitive guy,
they are lying there together in the afterglow.
The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,
"Well,how was it?"
The guy gently smiles at her,
strokes her cheek,
looks deeply into her eyes,
and says:
"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf."
Two men in their seventies are talking in the park.
One guy says to the other, "Man, when I was 17 and got an erection I couldn't bend it one little bit. When I was in my 40's I could start to bend it. I could bend it more in my 50's and not that I am in my seventies I can bend it pretty good. I wonder how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
One guy says to the other, "Man, when I was 17 and got an erection I couldn't bend it one little bit. When I was in my 40's I could start to bend it. I could bend it more in my 50's and not that I am in my seventies I can bend it pretty good. I wonder how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
A SHORT LOVE STORY
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold'
'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight......let's pretend that we're married'
'Wow!.......................That's a great idea!' he exclaimed..
'Good,' she replied................'Get your own damn blanket..'
After a moment of silence, ........................he farted.
The End
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold'
'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight......let's pretend that we're married'
'Wow!.......................That's a great idea!' he exclaimed..
'Good,' she replied................'Get your own damn blanket..'
After a moment of silence, ........................he farted.
The End
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house..'
'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' said Bob
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes !,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me everything.'
They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house..'
'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' said Bob
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes !,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
'She just died and left me everything.'
AGING WITH BUDDIES.
A group of 40 year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet
for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof
zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and
nice breasts.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is
very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they
discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that
they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in
peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is
wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a
great idea because they have never been there before.
A group of 40 year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet
for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof
zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and
nice breasts.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is
very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they
discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that
they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in
peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is
wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a
great idea because they have never been there before.
Why do most men die before their wives do?
Because they want to.
Because they want to.
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke... And well worth the wait!
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
'Don't look at me. The dumbass makes his own lunch.'
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
'Don't look at me. The dumbass makes his own lunch.'
An Irish guy walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says, "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache."
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."
The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."
The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow."
The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep."
^^^^^^OMG, hilarious, LOL.
3 words came to my mind when I read this joke. Doug, Hal, Ken.
Who are Hal and Ken?
At least you remembered your own name this time. :wink:
Yeah, I thought about them when I typed it in and was going to use the meeting place of "Clarke's" instead, but I did not want to offend our seniors. :biggrin:
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