TopEndYour not teaching them being violent is ok said:
Should parents be allowed to smack their children?
- Thread starter cmhs75
- Start date
djjoonie said:
I have worked in the adolescent unit of a psychiatric hospital for a number of years.
I have seen my share of parental misbehaviors. Not the kids
They kids get sent to the hospital because the parents pay the medical insurance premium. How sad.
Some kids need to have a boot put up thier little ass!!!! Just last night I stopped by the store and while in line, this nice looking woman was there with her two boys. The first one told her to go get something and she replied with "not now were in a hurry". He returned with "Fuck you mom"!!!
My jaw dropped to the floor.
Had I said that to my mom, she would be in prison for murder. She would have killed me right then and there!!!! The kid was about 13 to 14 yrs old BTW. As he continued and his little brother joined in on the fowl mouth attack, I wanted to beat the little shits respectful. So this is just my .02 cents, that some kids need a good ass whoopin!!!
My jaw dropped to the floor.
Had I said that to my mom, she would be in prison for murder. She would have killed me right then and there!!!! The kid was about 13 to 14 yrs old BTW. As he continued and his little brother joined in on the fowl mouth attack, I wanted to beat the little shits respectful. So this is just my .02 cents, that some kids need a good ass whoopin!!!
Yup and the clear lesson those kids are being taught is that they do not need to respect authority. Wonder which prison they'll be in by the time they're 20.
My 2 bits... spanking is only one thing in your arsenal to make a kid associate "consequences" with his actions. Seems to me to be most effective for 3-5 year olds who do not understand or care enough about other punishments to make them effective. You can take away toys, privileges for the future (ie. no videos tomorrow) etc. But sometimes it just does not do the trick, it's just not "real" to them. In that event, a measured spanking for serious offenses is effective (including repeated belligerent disobedience). I find it best to put them in their room and tell them you'll be back to deliver the spanking in 5 minutes. Gives you a chance to cool down (rule #1 is never ever spank when you're angry or out of control) and makes them sit there and actually regret their actions. Very effective.
My 2 bits... spanking is only one thing in your arsenal to make a kid associate "consequences" with his actions. Seems to me to be most effective for 3-5 year olds who do not understand or care enough about other punishments to make them effective. You can take away toys, privileges for the future (ie. no videos tomorrow) etc. But sometimes it just does not do the trick, it's just not "real" to them. In that event, a measured spanking for serious offenses is effective (including repeated belligerent disobedience). I find it best to put them in their room and tell them you'll be back to deliver the spanking in 5 minutes. Gives you a chance to cool down (rule #1 is never ever spank when you're angry or out of control) and makes them sit there and actually regret their actions. Very effective.
ADNOH said:
My parents wouldn't want some body else to kick my butt, they would have done it on thier own!!!!
Off topic here but- it took me forever to figure out you sig line!!!
:tongue:
I am lucky, my daughter is abnormally good ALL OF THE TIME! But I do have 2 step children, that I feel need it sometimes! I am in an awkward situation, being a stepdad. I CANNOT smack them even if I wanted to! I can yell, give them time outs etc, but they would run to pushover Mom, and get away with murder. My wife has come a loooooong way since we were married. We have had many a discussion on how to and how not to raise and punish. She has started punishing more severely, but still does NOT smack ot grab an ear or arm. I think it was needed sometimes in the beginning, she didn't. Well I guess my ex and I did a good job from day 1, and her ex and herself allowed the kids to call the shots too much. So the point is, if some bad habits are picked up by children, and you want to rewind them, 10 min timeouts alone don't cut it. And my wife won't allow force, so our joint compromise is her "grounding" with my "rules" I actually made up a rule list in priorities with consequenceson the fridge! Instead of the same 5 min. time out for everything from sassing back to hitting a sibling no matter how many times a week it happens, I have a progressive punishment. Heavy fines for repeat offenses. Sass back once, and a time out. Do it again during the same arguement, and there goes Playstation, again, and now no friends over, again, and you lost a favorite Playstation game for a month. etc etc. On top of the punishment, you need to have a discussion explaining what they did wrong, and that it will NOT be tolorated, and if done again next week, they will know what will happen ahead of time<---- fear.
Also key for this to work, is that when they are good, you need to reinforce that they are good, make them feel loved and appreciated etc. You have to have them know that you truely love them, so when they get punished, they won't hate you, they will hate themselves for acting so stupid.
I act just like a kid with the stepkids, and they love me to death, sometimes even more than their own Dad. So when I do get upset, they feel that they let me down, and they listen, oh boy do they listen!
The only kids that need smacking, is the ones who have parents that let their children make the rules for too long, and now they are out of control.
Also key for this to work, is that when they are good, you need to reinforce that they are good, make them feel loved and appreciated etc. You have to have them know that you truely love them, so when they get punished, they won't hate you, they will hate themselves for acting so stupid.
I act just like a kid with the stepkids, and they love me to death, sometimes even more than their own Dad. So when I do get upset, they feel that they let me down, and they listen, oh boy do they listen!
The only kids that need smacking, is the ones who have parents that let their children make the rules for too long, and now they are out of control.
A little off-topic, but has anyone watched any of those nanny shows? They are very entertaining.
I was punished by the good'ol spanking tactic and it was the only thing that was effective, other than having to pay cash for damaging someone's property. In fact, I still get spanked. (Opps, wrong forum. :biggrin: )
I had the sh*t belted out of me when I was a child and I turned out okay. 
That's what an ass is for.
That's what an ass is for.
Mr. Wolf - always able to provide an interesting perspective and reality check. LOL :biggrin:
LOL, and he's ALWAYS pollitically correct too!
Keep in mind my original context was refering to children ages 2 or less needing security, and therefore always testing the boundaries to see your reaction. Taken from the book "Baby Wise"fannsx said:
Interesting comments all around.
Seems like the topic has moved into too broad an area.
Certainly a punishment for a 2 year old would be different than a 10 year old...or would it (according to some)????
Article from "Men's Health" Sept. 2004
DOES IT WORK? CORPORAL PUNISHMENT. YES.
Research shows that spanking can be a beneficial tool for kids ages 2 through 6 (and some adults ages 18 through 88). "The key is that it's used to back up milder disciplinary tactics when kids respond defiantly to them," says Robert Larzelere, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Nebraska medical center. Just be sure you're cooled down first. Spanking is about helping your kid behave, not venting your anger.
I was a bit worried when I saw the thread posted that I would be reading a bunch of comments about "how you should never lay a hand on a child"....and "how hitting your kids will lead to them being violent adults"... WHEW....thanks guys for being smart enough to know what's right (I have a feeling if there were more women on this forum we might get a different response)
Damn right kids need to be displined and scolding doesn't always work. Pain is the one thing that keeps kids (as well as adults) from repeating the same action.
I cannot believe the story about the mom in the grocery store and her kid says "FUCK YOU". I hope that kid tries that with someone down the road who won't be so willing to blow it off.
For those of you who do not know...I'm a police officer. I had a call a couple years ago where a father and son were arguing out on the street (Son 14 years old). When I showed up, the dad was in the kids face. The kid looked like he was going to hit the dad. So I broke them up. The kid started walking away from me so I put my hand on his shoulder and said "Hold up" (in a nice way...I just wanted to hear his side) He turns around and cocks back to hit me. Because of his age...I just pushed him away. I told him to calm down and if he tries that again he'll be spending the night in Juvenile detention. He did calm down a bit but had a bad attitude. (the argument was over him being grounded and he not wanting to stay home)
Anyway, I talked to both of them for about an hour and got the situation calmed for the night. Well a week later we get a simular call, however this time the kid took off. I saw him walking down the street so I asked him (from in my squad car) to wait because I needed to talk to him. He kept walking and ignored me.
I pulled my car over and caught up to him. Again...I put my hand on his shoulder to get him to stop. HE COCKED BACK AGAIN to take a swing. Forget this (I said to myself) so he took a nose dive into the middle of the street. I cuffed him and through him in my squad car. Within 10 minutes he calmed down and we were talking just fine. He was even laughing at a few things we talked about.
From then on... he'd see my drive by and flag me down. We'd BS for awhile then move on. It was like this for a year or two until he moved out of state. That situation solidified my belief that if you lay down the law (rules in a house) and your child steps outside of them...they need to be punished. Maybe not thrown to the concrete...but slapped, spanked or hit with a spoon across the ass....whatever to get them to understand you are not playing games. They may hate you at the time...but they'll respect you in the end!!
Damn right kids need to be displined and scolding doesn't always work. Pain is the one thing that keeps kids (as well as adults) from repeating the same action.
I cannot believe the story about the mom in the grocery store and her kid says "FUCK YOU". I hope that kid tries that with someone down the road who won't be so willing to blow it off.
For those of you who do not know...I'm a police officer. I had a call a couple years ago where a father and son were arguing out on the street (Son 14 years old). When I showed up, the dad was in the kids face. The kid looked like he was going to hit the dad. So I broke them up. The kid started walking away from me so I put my hand on his shoulder and said "Hold up" (in a nice way...I just wanted to hear his side) He turns around and cocks back to hit me. Because of his age...I just pushed him away. I told him to calm down and if he tries that again he'll be spending the night in Juvenile detention. He did calm down a bit but had a bad attitude. (the argument was over him being grounded and he not wanting to stay home)
Anyway, I talked to both of them for about an hour and got the situation calmed for the night. Well a week later we get a simular call, however this time the kid took off. I saw him walking down the street so I asked him (from in my squad car) to wait because I needed to talk to him. He kept walking and ignored me.
I pulled my car over and caught up to him. Again...I put my hand on his shoulder to get him to stop. HE COCKED BACK AGAIN to take a swing. Forget this (I said to myself) so he took a nose dive into the middle of the street. I cuffed him and through him in my squad car. Within 10 minutes he calmed down and we were talking just fine. He was even laughing at a few things we talked about.
From then on... he'd see my drive by and flag me down. We'd BS for awhile then move on. It was like this for a year or two until he moved out of state. That situation solidified my belief that if you lay down the law (rules in a house) and your child steps outside of them...they need to be punished. Maybe not thrown to the concrete...but slapped, spanked or hit with a spoon across the ass....whatever to get them to understand you are not playing games. They may hate you at the time...but they'll respect you in the end!!
Not mine, taken from another site.
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
WHY GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
Lol :biggrin:
Okay, I'm not a parent but here's what I've learned so far:
1. Spanking kids with your bare hands = discipline.
Spanking them with any object in hand = abuse.
2. Spank your children. Afterwards, explain to them why so they can understand. Spanking without explaining will have the child do the same thing over and over again.
Any parent can provide feedback on these. All you single guys out there, can't. Because you know as much about parenting as I do...jacksh*t. :biggrin:
1. Spanking kids with your bare hands = discipline.
Spanking them with any object in hand = abuse.
2. Spank your children. Afterwards, explain to them why so they can understand. Spanking without explaining will have the child do the same thing over and over again.
Any parent can provide feedback on these. All you single guys out there, can't. Because you know as much about parenting as I do...jacksh*t. :biggrin:
Joel said:
joel....not sure I agree with the object comment. My mom used a wooden spoon on me because I was bigger then her and it didn't hurt when she used her hand.... :smile:
I definately agree with the explaining to them why they were spanked. Also...striking a child out of anger is abuse. Spanking a child to teach them something is parenting.....
my 2 cents
