Get her to read this thread and talk about the issues that have been raised. 
Please Help Me!!
- Thread starter Kenny York
- Start date
I think the point is that the right woman wouldn't ask you to do it in the first place.NSX/MR2 said:
A lot of interesting opinions here.
But...finding the right girl is harder than finding an NSX. If you think this is the girl that you'd want to marry and have children with and the only thing that's preventing that from happening at this moment is your ownership of an NSX, just sell the car and buy a beater. With a good woman by your side, you'll do very well (or even better) career-wise, end up making more money, and more importantly, spend less money, resulting in your being able to buy another (perhaps newer?) NSX later on.
That's how I would look at your situation.
The only proviso is if you're both still fairly young, say in your late 20's, then it might not be a good idea to rush into anything, relationship-wise, in the first place.
Good luck!
But...finding the right girl is harder than finding an NSX. If you think this is the girl that you'd want to marry and have children with and the only thing that's preventing that from happening at this moment is your ownership of an NSX, just sell the car and buy a beater. With a good woman by your side, you'll do very well (or even better) career-wise, end up making more money, and more importantly, spend less money, resulting in your being able to buy another (perhaps newer?) NSX later on.
That's how I would look at your situation.
The only proviso is if you're both still fairly young, say in your late 20's, then it might not be a good idea to rush into anything, relationship-wise, in the first place.
Good luck!
Speaking for myself, but if the girl I loved just got a NSX or anything else she dreamed of since childhood, I would NEVER ask her to just give it up. Period. If I knew how much something meant to her--however material--and knew she would not be happy without it, I would respect her wishes and learn to accept it.
It's not like you'll be in on the street if you keep the car, I assume. As long as you control your debts and not vice versa, what is wrong with keeping your boyhood dream?
Anyway, I'm not a psychologist. Best to you and your girl.
It's not like you'll be in on the street if you keep the car, I assume. As long as you control your debts and not vice versa, what is wrong with keeping your boyhood dream?
Anyway, I'm not a psychologist. Best to you and your girl.
Do what is in your heart, that’s the only way our heads learn.
I can tell you from experience that it is impossible for a CAR to get in the way of an otherwise blissful relationship; debt and money issues on the other hand are the root cause of a good percentage of relationship failures. Whatever you two do should be equal: her debt should be no greater than yours and her discretionary spending should be somewhat equal to yours too. Women can easily spend $300-$400 per month on clothing and have “nothing to wear” and another $100 per month on personal hygiene—easy.
Maybe she thinks it would make better financial sense to finance a ring rather than a car.
Good luck!
DanO
I can tell you from experience that it is impossible for a CAR to get in the way of an otherwise blissful relationship; debt and money issues on the other hand are the root cause of a good percentage of relationship failures. Whatever you two do should be equal: her debt should be no greater than yours and her discretionary spending should be somewhat equal to yours too. Women can easily spend $300-$400 per month on clothing and have “nothing to wear” and another $100 per month on personal hygiene—easy.
Maybe she thinks it would make better financial sense to finance a ring rather than a car.
Good luck!
DanO
I've seen it happen a million times..
Man meets woman.
Man sleeps with woman.
Woman is understanding of man's simple nature.
Marriage looms.
Woman begins to expect the man meet all her needs.
Man sells nsx.
They marry.
Woman becomes more demanding over time.
Man begins to resent it over time.
Man loses attraction to woman.
Woman blames man.
Divorce.
Man gets new nsx.
Woman wants the man back because now he's a real man.
Nip it in the bud. Keep your nsx. Tell her she's #1 but there's no way you're selling it. This X could save your life!
Man meets woman.
Man sleeps with woman.
Woman is understanding of man's simple nature.
Marriage looms.
Woman begins to expect the man meet all her needs.
Man sells nsx.
They marry.
Woman becomes more demanding over time.
Man begins to resent it over time.
Man loses attraction to woman.
Woman blames man.
Divorce.
Man gets new nsx.
Woman wants the man back because now he's a real man.
Nip it in the bud. Keep your nsx. Tell her she's #1 but there's no way you're selling it. This X could save your life!
Actually, more realistic would be:
...Man and woman get divorce
Woman takes half
Man can't afford nsx
Woman uses child support to buy BMW
Man wonders why things are so complicated--his first love--cars, were so simple
...Man and woman get divorce
Woman takes half
Man can't afford nsx
Woman uses child support to buy BMW
Man wonders why things are so complicated--his first love--cars, were so simple
So what happened...
when are we going to get an update???????????
when are we going to get an update???????????
update
hi guys... well it was a good weekend for me with my girl. I wrote down all my financial stuff and shared with her. All she said though was " interesting". So I do not know if that is a good or bad thing. She wants to talk more tonight. So by tomorrow I should have the fuul scoop on things. Her main thing is that the NSX is expensive and so are the repairs. I had told her that the car is a Honda and is very reliable. All the belts, hoses, water pump, air conditioning system, clutch have been changes at 60k. So I do not have to worry about much till 120k. Right? Plus I told her how the car makes me feel and how it holds it's value pretty well. So I will get back to you guys either tonight or tomorrow morning. Keep your fingers crossed
hi guys... well it was a good weekend for me with my girl. I wrote down all my financial stuff and shared with her. All she said though was " interesting". So I do not know if that is a good or bad thing. She wants to talk more tonight. So by tomorrow I should have the fuul scoop on things. Her main thing is that the NSX is expensive and so are the repairs. I had told her that the car is a Honda and is very reliable. All the belts, hoses, water pump, air conditioning system, clutch have been changes at 60k. So I do not have to worry about much till 120k. Right? Plus I told her how the car makes me feel and how it holds it's value pretty well. So I will get back to you guys either tonight or tomorrow morning. Keep your fingers crossed
Kenny:
I sure hope you are making her write down all of her financial info, as well as her budget and where she spends her money. If she is anything like most women I know, she will easily spend more on nails/hair/massages/clothes/shoes/Starbucks in a year than you will on your NSX. From your posts so far, this seems pretty one-sided.
Her only comment was "interesting"? Not a good sign, bro. That means she wants to talk later to tell you to dump the NSX and adapt to her way of life, or take a hike. At this point, I might be out sizing up some new hiking boots.
Man marries woman because he is in love with who she is.
Woman marries man because she is in love with who she thinks man can become.
This is not a fair proposition for you. I'm not being negative, but I think it might be time to sack up.
JMO,
Todd
I sure hope you are making her write down all of her financial info, as well as her budget and where she spends her money. If she is anything like most women I know, she will easily spend more on nails/hair/massages/clothes/shoes/Starbucks in a year than you will on your NSX. From your posts so far, this seems pretty one-sided.
Her only comment was "interesting"? Not a good sign, bro. That means she wants to talk later to tell you to dump the NSX and adapt to her way of life, or take a hike. At this point, I might be out sizing up some new hiking boots.
Man marries woman because he is in love with who she is.
Woman marries man because she is in love with who she thinks man can become.
This is not a fair proposition for you. I'm not being negative, but I think it might be time to sack up.
JMO,
Todd
"Interesting?" What the hell does that mean?
If you give up your NSX, what is she giving up for you? And it better be something she LOVES.
I agree. Something's not gellin' here Kenny. Everyone in this thread sees it.
If you give up your NSX, what is she giving up for you? And it better be something she LOVES.
I agree. Something's not gellin' here Kenny. Everyone in this thread sees it.
Re: update
I agree with the others. Does she like you for who you are, or who she thinks she can mold you into?
WTH? She's not big on communication, is she? Unless there's more to the story, it's a big warning sign of trouble ahead IMO.Kenny York said:
I agree with the others. Does she like you for who you are, or who she thinks she can mold you into?
just different
well I just talked to her a bit but we will talk later tonight again. She basically said that we are different as where we spend our money. Not bad or good just different. We took seperate ways of life after High School. I wanted to be a pro bike racer and she went straight to college. Which is good for what she did. I got to see a lot of parts in the country and South America and Europe. She on the otherhand makes darn good money now and I do not. She said that she wants me to make a good living ( which I do to) but also enjoy what I do. The money I owe stresses her out and it scares her. I basically make a teachers salary which is not too much ( not hitting on teachers here, IMO I think they should get paid more) But like I said before the car is paid for. I sold two of my bikes so far. I am saving the other one until the Olympic Trials are over in Redlands, CA this June. So then I will sell the other bike. I have also been saving up for a wedding ring on the side. I just have a lot on my plate I guess. I will give you guys an update later tonight Thanks for being there my fellow NSX friends
well I just talked to her a bit but we will talk later tonight again. She basically said that we are different as where we spend our money. Not bad or good just different. We took seperate ways of life after High School. I wanted to be a pro bike racer and she went straight to college. Which is good for what she did. I got to see a lot of parts in the country and South America and Europe. She on the otherhand makes darn good money now and I do not. She said that she wants me to make a good living ( which I do to) but also enjoy what I do. The money I owe stresses her out and it scares her. I basically make a teachers salary which is not too much ( not hitting on teachers here, IMO I think they should get paid more) But like I said before the car is paid for. I sold two of my bikes so far. I am saving the other one until the Olympic Trials are over in Redlands, CA this June. So then I will sell the other bike. I have also been saving up for a wedding ring on the side. I just have a lot on my plate I guess. I will give you guys an update later tonight
Thanks for being there my fellow NSX friendsRe: just different
Here are a couple more links for you to chew on:
http://www.fguide.org/Bulletin/conflictdiamonds.htm
http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/82feb/8202diamond1.htm
If she wants you to give up the NSX, then she should be willing to forsake the diamond ring business as well. That whole tradition is just brainwashing by DeBeers anyway. I'm sure you have better uses for your money.Kenny York said:
Here are a couple more links for you to chew on:
http://www.fguide.org/Bulletin/conflictdiamonds.htm
http://www.theatlantic.com/issues/82feb/8202diamond1.htm
NowSeeX's said:Kenny...Hold up a second!!!!!
This issue about debt is bigger than your car!!! You need to sit down with her and talk about both your issues with money, what both your goals are, and how you both handle money, cause it WILL come up again, and often if its not straightened out.
Example: Do you get the house or splurge on the wedding??? Do you get the Big Screen or put it in the bank?? Do you let her get weekly facials and manicures or go to a ball game???
my .02
Very good point. This is the best advise.
I have been with the wife unit for over 30 years now and money always comes up. Its a matter of give and take.
the talk
Well we had the talk... I basically told her that I do not want to sell the car now because if I did and we got in an arguement that it would be the first thing that comes up. I told her that if i keep the car it would be " OURS". So she said the same about her house " OURS". But I also told her the debt I owe with my parents is mine and not hers. But there she went again and said "ours". She said that she is scared that I do not want to save money. She basically said that if I had $100 that I would want to spend it. But I told her that I want to learn how to save like she does. She also said that she does not care that I did not go to college etc. she said she love me for who I am. But she then said that I do not give her Financial Security. So that was the truth and it kind of hurt. So I told her that made me feel pointless to her. That was our discussion and it ended at that. She asked if I was mad and I said no and then she told me that she loves me and to call her in the morning. She wants me to move in sooner than later. Which in terms means to buy a ring. I could buy a ring and still owe my parents while I move up to Dallas. They were okay with that. They did not care what I give them monthly ( as long as it gets paid). I do love her and she does mean a lot to me. But the thing that rips me apart is that all of her ex boyfriends are all $well to do$ guys and I am not. But this does not seem to be the issue to her or does it? I asked her if she would care if I still owed my parents while I was living with her. She said she did'nt know. And then she asked how would I afford a ring? So now what should I do?]
Well we had the talk... I basically told her that I do not want to sell the car now because if I did and we got in an arguement that it would be the first thing that comes up. I told her that if i keep the car it would be " OURS". So she said the same about her house " OURS". But I also told her the debt I owe with my parents is mine and not hers. But there she went again and said "ours". She said that she is scared that I do not want to save money. She basically said that if I had $100 that I would want to spend it. But I told her that I want to learn how to save like she does. She also said that she does not care that I did not go to college etc. she said she love me for who I am. But she then said that I do not give her Financial Security. So that was the truth and it kind of hurt. So I told her that made me feel pointless to her. That was our discussion and it ended at that. She asked if I was mad and I said no and then she told me that she loves me and to call her in the morning. She wants me to move in sooner than later. Which in terms means to buy a ring. I could buy a ring and still owe my parents while I move up to Dallas. They were okay with that. They did not care what I give them monthly ( as long as it gets paid). I do love her and she does mean a lot to me. But the thing that rips me apart is that all of her ex boyfriends are all $well to do$ guys and I am not. But this does not seem to be the issue to her or does it? I asked her if she would care if I still owed my parents while I was living with her. She said she did'nt know. And then she asked how would I afford a ring? So now what should I do?]
It's a good thing you guys are talking about this now, rather than waiting until after you get married. Let's break down the issues one by one.
Ok, the two of you obviously aren't on the same page when it comes to money managment, so how is merging your finances going to help things? Keep them separate for now, that way she won't feel like she's inheriting YOUR debt, or that you're spending HER money. Wait until after your views on money issues are in alignment before consolidating your finances.
Address her fears by demonstrating a willingness to change your spendthrift ways. Selling the bikes is a good start, and she should recognize your efforts accordingly. Develop a financial plan to get yourself out of debt, and start contributing to a tax-deferred retirement plan if you have access to one (at least enough to get employer matching, if available). Eliminate unnecessary expenditures like Starbucks, expensive restaurant meals, etc. Read about frugality and affluenza, then take action (by the way, frugality is NOT about being cheap, it's about prioritizing your limited resources to achieve those goals that are most important to you). She will eventually see that you are coming around.
Correction: you do not give her financial security right now. There's a big difference. One of these you cannot do anything about, the other one is still fully within your control.
Why dig yourself deeper into debt? Marry her if you want, but get a cheap ring (one that's within your means) and wait to buy an expensive one later--after you've fixed your finances--if you must. If she really loves you, she will support this decision.
Forget about her ex's, obviously they lacked something or they wouldn't be history. Don't borrow money from your parents to get her a ring. It will mean much more if you save for it yourself, but start attacking your other money problems first.
I know. She's going to think less of you as a man because you had to ask for help from your parents. Take responsibility for yourself, and prove to her that you're capable of digging yourself out of the mess you created.
You can't afford the ring right now. Be upfront with her. Like I said, develop a plan of action to correct your current money issues, then talk to her and outline the steps you are willing to take to address her concerns. Tell her it won't happen overnight, but that you are committed to doing it, and postpone the marriage if necessary so she can be satisfied with your progress.
It sounds like communication is a big issue in your relationship. Have you asked her exactly what she wants from you, and vice versa? If you don't know that, how will you know if you'll ever be able to meet her expectations? Sounds like you guys need to do some serious talking. Good luck!
I agree PhoeN$X, Joel and the other posters. It sounds to me like you need to know a little bit more about her motivations and relationship expectations before you get married. Why the rush? Take your time. Keep finances seperate for now and get your financial situation straightened out without your parents help. Try to understand what her wants and needs are. Help her understand yours. If you want to move to Dallas, do it - but make sure its on your own terms.
You need to be able to start cleanly in a new life together. Don't try to figure out how you can acceptably plug yourself into hers for now and then assume that 'we'll fix the rest later'. That is not an equal relationship, a happy relationship, or one that will last very long. Spend time together, sort this out, and enjoy life in the mean time. JMO.
You need to be able to start cleanly in a new life together. Don't try to figure out how you can acceptably plug yourself into hers for now and then assume that 'we'll fix the rest later'. That is not an equal relationship, a happy relationship, or one that will last very long. Spend time together, sort this out, and enjoy life in the mean time. JMO.
I have tried to resist posting until now, as this situation is unfortunate for you and will likely only get worse in the future.
I will not tell you that this girl is no good for you, that she is trying to control your life, or that you are being to soft in your discussions concerning your entire life, it is not my place to.
I will tell you that I had the same girlfriend you have, but we broke up.
I later met the girl of my dreams. She was a serious as my old girlfriend, but just as interested in my happiness as her own. That my friend was the missing link in my other relationship.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I met 5 years ago, been married 2 years now. I was a terrible saver, just a big spender. She was serious like your girlfriend is. I changed, we saved, got wedded and built a house. Fast forward to June 2003:
I told her I was going to get my dream car, she said "Don't worry honey, I won't even ask to drive that thing."
I told her I may want to return to school for a PhD, reducing my income and forcing her to contribute more to the household, she said "We'll work it out honey."
For X-mas, she sent me to Vermont to ski for a week, as she knows it is my passion.
She makes sure that I go to the pool hall to play my favorite game of all time. She tells me that I may as well use that "expensive stick" that I paid so much for.
I told her 3 DAY AGO that "the guys" (7 of my closest HS buds) are going to Vegas for a week in March for a boys weekend. She gave me a high-five, smacked in the ass real hard and told me to keep my duck in my pants and gave me a big kiss.
We are both secure in ourselves and each other, so we can enjoy ourselves fully together and apart.
Envious, ain't ya! My life is perfect!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When two people decide to share their lives, they must retain their individuality while becoming part of a two-person unit. If one person gives up to many of the things that make them "them", they will surely live to regret it, and to resent their partner in the process. If you fool yourself into believing you can do without the things that make you happy BESIDES your mate, you are in denial. No matter how beautiful, sexy, or loving your mate is, they cannot fulfill all of your human needs. You need to ride your fancy bikes. You need to have your NSX. You need to enjoy your profession and feel productive at work. These needs cannot be replaced by a person.
If a person falls in love with another, why would they want to change them into another person?
Good luck!
I will not tell you that this girl is no good for you, that she is trying to control your life, or that you are being to soft in your discussions concerning your entire life, it is not my place to.
I will tell you that I had the same girlfriend you have, but we broke up.
I later met the girl of my dreams. She was a serious as my old girlfriend, but just as interested in my happiness as her own. That my friend was the missing link in my other relationship.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife and I met 5 years ago, been married 2 years now. I was a terrible saver, just a big spender. She was serious like your girlfriend is. I changed, we saved, got wedded and built a house. Fast forward to June 2003:
I told her I was going to get my dream car, she said "Don't worry honey, I won't even ask to drive that thing."
I told her I may want to return to school for a PhD, reducing my income and forcing her to contribute more to the household, she said "We'll work it out honey."
For X-mas, she sent me to Vermont to ski for a week, as she knows it is my passion.
She makes sure that I go to the pool hall to play my favorite game of all time. She tells me that I may as well use that "expensive stick" that I paid so much for.
I told her 3 DAY AGO that "the guys" (7 of my closest HS buds) are going to Vegas for a week in March for a boys weekend. She gave me a high-five, smacked in the ass real hard and told me to keep my duck in my pants and gave me a big kiss.
We are both secure in ourselves and each other, so we can enjoy ourselves fully together and apart.
Envious, ain't ya!
My life is perfect!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When two people decide to share their lives, they must retain their individuality while becoming part of a two-person unit. If one person gives up to many of the things that make them "them", they will surely live to regret it, and to resent their partner in the process. If you fool yourself into believing you can do without the things that make you happy BESIDES your mate, you are in denial. No matter how beautiful, sexy, or loving your mate is, they cannot fulfill all of your human needs. You need to ride your fancy bikes. You need to have your NSX. You need to enjoy your profession and feel productive at work. These needs cannot be replaced by a person.
If a person falls in love with another, why would they want to change them into another person?
Good luck!
Take a week away from this woman. If you're still nuts about her at the end of it then you're lost. However, it may be that you see the light.
50 % of marriages end in divorce with the number 1 reason being finances. it sounds like you are doing the right things to get out of debt.
i would keep the car. i bought a rolex 2 years ago-it took me 10 years to save for it (50/month). my friend is envious of the watch since he sold his a few years ago to buy a diamond ring for the wife. he doesn't have the wife-"biggest mistake of my life to sell that watch".
my wife and i are comfortable and save money. there is no such thing as financial security with the economy and other variables. i grew up working-mowing lawns, painting, etc. i do not want to go back to that but will do whatever it takes to make money (legally)!
things i do not understand-$100 face cream, clothes, shoes. how many pairs of shoes does she need?
things she does not understand-$300 for tires for track days, 4 motorcycles, tools.
i don't complain about her stuff and vice versa. i am not at the track every weekend and she is not at the mall every weekend.
Compromise!
i would keep the car. i bought a rolex 2 years ago-it took me 10 years to save for it (50/month). my friend is envious of the watch since he sold his a few years ago to buy a diamond ring for the wife. he doesn't have the wife-"biggest mistake of my life to sell that watch".
my wife and i are comfortable and save money. there is no such thing as financial security with the economy and other variables. i grew up working-mowing lawns, painting, etc. i do not want to go back to that but will do whatever it takes to make money (legally)!
things i do not understand-$100 face cream, clothes, shoes. how many pairs of shoes does she need?
things she does not understand-$300 for tires for track days, 4 motorcycles, tools.
i don't complain about her stuff and vice versa. i am not at the track every weekend and she is not at the mall every weekend.
Compromise!
The right girl, the one who loves you, will not care about the ring. She wants you, not what you can buy her now. Believe me, it is much better to find the girl who cares nothing about your $$ (because you have none), and it is much more satisfying to know that, when you are making $$ later, it doesn't affect her because she was with you back in the day.
Convoluted, I know - but the signs are there that this chick is interested in things that shouldn't matter right now. This isn't going to get easier if you buy a ring, I hope you realize that.
Todd
Convoluted, I know - but the signs are there that this chick is interested in things that shouldn't matter right now. This isn't going to get easier if you buy a ring, I hope you realize that.
Todd
