Relationships/Love/Life

[Mike-san]

Turbo I never get tired of reading your posts.....As you can see, I told the O.P. to grind your words into his head. I think what needs to be addressed here is for the kid to exercise P..A..T..I...E..N...C..E....
I can just see him now taking the advice about the cold send off phone message, and then shooting off a text to her asking if she received it within 24 hours if she doesn't respond.
Kid, you are so lucky to be getting this advice so quickly instead of finding out the hard way like most of us had to. I look back in disbelief at how I got so wound up emotionally over certain women, and I shudder to think about how my life would have been if I had stayed w/ "the one". Looking back at my past relationships, I can NOW clearly see why it was beneficial for me to leave (whether it was my decision or theirs). Trust us when we say that in the future you will look back on your current feelings w/ humour and detached amazement.

 

[steveny]

LOL, actually, I do.

Back in the day chicks loved the mini truck. I had a red 84 Nissan. I think it was one of the first "Nissan" trucks. Before that, I believe they were "Datsun".

I had many Datsun trucks. The best one was so rotted out at 55 mph the fenders came up and would level out with the hood. Ah, the good old days! :biggrin:

 

[TURBO2GO]

I can just see him now taking the advice about the cold send off phone message, and then shooting off a text to her asking if she received it within 24 hours if she doesn't respond.

LOL... yeah don't do that.

One will never get a girl back by asking, being needy, being nice, having more contact. All the things guys do when they break up. The more contact you have, the more you screw up your own chances of ever getting her back. Sdufass, she is not looking at you in a very high light right now. She is looking at you as less than what she deserves or wants. Whether she verbalizes that or not is irrelavent. This is why she left. If you heard what her close girlfriends hear from her about you, you would see this. You lost control... a while ago... and you need to gain it back. And you need to keep it from here on out. Keep it as you date. When you lose control to a girl, she will lose some level of her attraction for you. Having control does not mean you be a jerk, or mean, or that you disagree with everything she says. Then you are just a jerk. You don't need to control HER, you need to control the situation. Control, in the way I am defining it is allowing the natural flow of man/woman to work. How many times have you heard that a woman wants to be "swept" off her feet? How will a man accomplish this if he is not even in control? By being nice? By kissing her a$$? By constantly saying "I love you" or "I love you too"? It doesn't work like that. Often a woman will choose a man as a long-term partner because he is nice, because he will make a good provider, a good father, etc. She will stay with him, be faithful to him, and develop genuine emotion for him. This is what you have in most successful marriages. This is however a different article than what ATTRACTS a woman. What makes her want you on a raw emotional level, on a physical level. When she feels that, she will want to be with you badly. You can see this because you can often see a woman continue to be with a guy that she knows is bad for her. She will call him a jerk but sleep with him anyway. Why? because unlike most guys, he is allowing that natural male/female dynamic to take place. I am very hesitant to use certain words on this forum, but a woman likes to in a way submit to a man. Not as in wash his clothes or be his slave. She should have all the freedom in the world. But submit on a deep emotional level. In a "take me" level. Women will express this desire in certain ways both in the mental and physical aspects of relationships if they are allowed to do so. A lot of guys are completely unaware of this fact, to no fault of their own because no one ever teaches you this stuff. It's not a class you can take in college. But it is there, it is a secret, and it works beautifully.

 

[steveny]

LOL... yeah don't do that.

One will never get a girl back by asking, being needy, being nice, having more contact. All the things guys do when they break up. The more contact you have, the more you screw up your own chances of ever getting her back. Sfudass, she is not looking at you in a very high light right now. She is looking at you as less than what she deserves or wants. Whether she verbalizes that or not is irrelavent. This is why she left. If you heard what her close girlfriends hear from her about you, you would see this. You lost control... a while ago... and you need to gain it back. And you need to keep it from here on out. Keep it as you date. When you lose control to a girl, she will lose some level of her attraction for you. Having control does not mean you be a jerk, or mean, or that you disagree with everything she says. Then you are just a jerk. You don't need to control HER, you need to control the situation. Control, in the way I am defining it is allowing the natural flow of man/woman to work. How many times have you heard that a woman wants to be "swept" off her feet? How will a man accomplish this if he is not even in control? By being nice? By kissing her a$$? By constantly saying "I love you" or "I love you too"? It doesn't work like that. Often a woman will choose a man as a long-term partner because he is nice, because he will make a good provider, a good father, etc. She will stay with him, be faithful to him, and develop genuine emotion for him. This is what you have in most successful marriages. This is however a different article than what ATTRACTS a woman. What makes her want you on a raw emotional level, on a physical level. When she feels that, she will want to be with you badly. You can see this because you can often see a woman continue to be with a guy that she knows is bad for her. She will call him a jerk but sleep with him anyway. Why? because unlike most guys, he is allowing that natural male/female dynamic to take place. I am very hesitant to use certain words on this forum, but a woman likes to in a way submit to a man. Not as in wash his clothes or be his slave. She should have all the freedom in the world. But submit on a deep emotional level. In a "take me" level. Women will express this desire in certain ways both in the mental and physical aspects of relationships if they are allowed to do so. A lot of guys are completely unaware of this fact, to no fault of their own because no one ever teaches you this stuff. It's not a class you can take in college. But it is there, it is a secret, and it works beautifully.

Damn straight!

 

[TURBO2GO]

LOL... OK steveny is giving me permission so I will keep going. :biggrin: I have a feeling more than one guy should read this on this forum.

You have to be the in-control man at every level of the relationship. Women will start to filter guys at a pretty young age for this, especially attractive women because they have a lot of men around. Even at the most initial interaction with a woman, when you say "hi", she has started her filtering process. You haven't spoken yet but she has made 10 judgements about you. Before you even noticed her, she may have been watching what you are doing, who you are talking to, how you are behaving. You may have already lost it all before you even opened your mouth. And then guys think it had something to do with what they said. LOL... "My opener was bad" they think to themselves. There was some thread here a while ago, "post your best opener". The opener doesn't even matter. I can open with "did you know that dirt is brown?"

She is looking for confidence, because a non-confident man will never be able to give her what she wants. If she is ready to get hitched then she needs confidence in her partner, and if she is young and having fun then she needs confidence and control in the bedroom. If you do well and look confident, she will still continously test you to see whether you hold up, or whether you fold. She may be negative towards you right off the bat. "Do I know you?"... "why are you talking to me?"... "Can you hold this for me?".... "Can you get me a drink?"... It won't stop. She is looking for cracks. There was another post here, Batmans said some girl pulled up to his friend and asked "Is your penis that small that you have to drive that car? (the NSX)" and he got upset over it and yelled back at her. He could have had her phone number. There were a few suggestions that he should have been harsh back with her. She was just an attaractive woman, saw a guy in a nice car, and wanted to see what he is made of. She tested him with her comment, and he failed. This isn't something women do conciously, they just do it. They can't waste all sorts of time with a loser. Be a hot girl and you will see 50 guys a day hit on you, it doesn't leave you with a lot of spare time.

So beware of this natural tendency to be tested. Don't get upset because an interaction seems to not have gone well. A woman being upset is not always a bad thing. If you are single, you need to get this idea of one relationship, next relationship, third relationship OUT of your head. If you are going from one to the next, thinking the next will be the good one, you are going about it wrong. It is not about the relationship or the girl. It is about who you are. If you become skilled, a whole host of women will always be around. The next test will come when one is upset that others are around... and she'll try to change that in any way that she can. She will play her game with you, and most guys fold and decide OK, it's a relationship between you and me only. At that moment, even if she got what she wanted, more security, she also lost just a bit of her attraction for you. Keep going down that same road, and she will say "we need to talk, its not working out for me". Yub, she did it, but now she wants out of it. In the same way that she will start a boring topic of conversation with you, then get bored and call you boring for it.

 

[steveny]

I can open with "did you know that dirt is brown?"

......looking her straight in the eyes of course. Then she asks what do you mean, and you just smile...almost a smirk. Don't ever give the answer either. Tell her the answer is back at your place. :biggrin:

 

[OzzieJohn]

Stephen,

I'm only 3 years older but a couple of years ago was in your shoes. It's perfectly normal to be completely unhappy when you've recently broken up from a long relationship. Regardless of whether or not you get back together with this girl, that feeling will pass.

Look at the people around you, many of them have had relationship break ups, it is not the end of the world. It's the start of a new opportunity, whether it be with this girl, someone else, or enjoying being single for awhile.

Whatever you do don't despair that she was "the one" and there will never be another. It absolutely does not make sense that there be one "perfect partner" out there for everyone. I mean look at all the happy couples you see every day. Then remember that there are something like 7 billion people on the planet. Mathematically if everyone met a new potential partner each day for 10 years they would still have only met a handful from each major city and nobody at all from some entire countries. There are many many potential partners out there for us all.

Rather I believe the truth is that it's important to find someone who you can build a strong relationship with. Someone who shares your values, someone you admire, someone you love, someone who you can be friends with. I met someone new, we're engaged and very happy. You sound like someone who is smart and caring... with those qualities I'm sure you'll find happiness in your love life again soon too.

In the meantime, you have to take time to look after yourself, even if you're feeling miserable. Make yourself eat properly, exercise, go out with friends, remember there are many people much worse off than you, and make your life about all the good things around you, not one negative thing.

Keep your chin up,

John

 

[Ben]

Read the book entitled "The Game" written by Neil Strauss.

+1 Great Read. It's shocking how deep it goes, and how people have built a whole science around the concepts within. I only wish that I had read it as soon as it came out in 2005 instead of waiting a couple years.

I thought I lost "the one" at age 27, and now, looking back on the whole thing many years later, it would have been a huge mistake had I ended up with her. Since then, I've had some of the best experiences of my life that I wouldn't have had if she was around. I hate to say it, but in my state of mind then, I even momentarily lost my passion for the NSX for a couple years...

You're 24, you have your whole life ahead of you. It's hard to see it now while you are in the fog, but it will become clearer as time goes on.

As for the current girl, there is absolutely nothing you can do or say to her to convince her to stay. Everything you do or say will only convince her otherwise. The best thing you can do is ignore her, and go date other (multiple) women (even better if she knows you are dating other women). If you run into her, say hi, be cordial, but do it matter of factly, as if you were running into anyone else. She may come back, she may not. If not, the one thing you absolutely cannot have is a fear of loss.

Read TURBO2GO's posts carefully as well, then as someone else said, re-read it.

Damn, I wish I had this kind of NSXPrime support group when I was 27, haha. :wink: I don't usually post to these types of threads, but something about this one compelled me to do so.

 

[Jetpilot3]

+1 Great Read. It's shocking how deep it goes, and how people have built a whole science around the concepts within. I only wish that I had read it as soon as it came out in 2005 instead of waiting a couple years.

Read TURBO2GO's posts carefully as well, then as someone else said, re-read it.

TURBO2GO's posts are almost like excerpts from the book. Sduffass will definately learn to be his own man by reading "The Game" and will most certainly reflect upon this thread and comments as the best advice he's been given.

 

[TURBO2GO]

Stephen,

It's perfectly normal to be completely unhappy when you've recently broken up from a long relationship.

This is only "normal" when you have way too much investment in one relationship, one person, and nowhere to go after. Answer me this.... does it make sense to be so upset over a person that does not value you enough to want to stay with you? because that is who you are upset over in these situations. How upset would sdufass be right now if Adriana Lima was knocking down his door to spend time with him? How would he feel if he went to a party where this ex was and instead of her, a Victoria's Secret model was hanging on his arm?

If you have the right dynamic, then you are never "breaking up" per se, you are just transitioning from spending more time with one girl versus another. The question becomes "Which girl do I prefer to spend most of my time with now", and breakups are nothing more than a hiccup. In fact you know what they are? They are a chance for the ex to realize that she screwed up. And that getting back what she had with you, and displacing the one that took her place, is going to take a lot of really hard work.

It may sound like I am talking nonsense or about something that is really hard to acheive, but I can tell you it is not. All it takes is some knowledge and a completely different outlook and behavior than you are used to in relationships. Sdufass has zero to be upset about right now. He just needs to see a way out and the perspective I am talking about. Offering sympathy or condolences, a "you will get through it" or "it happens to everybody" is not even good advice IMO. It sets the mindset that this is how it is. I am here saying it does not have to be this way at all.

 

[docjohn]

Turbo2go ...the Neo of pu$%Y

 

[jond]

Do you believe there's only one person out there for you? Do you believe that if your ex would come back in your life you'd take them back?

1. No. I think there are way too many people on this planet for there to be just 1 person who you would absolutely love to be with.
2. Without question. I've been in love with a few women, one in particular I still think about all the time 4 years later.

I feel like I've reached a dead end if I can't get her back. Nothing brings me happiness anymore. Not my close friends, not working, not making money, not cooking, not eating, and not fact that I haven't seen my nsx since November and that I'll be getting it back within the next month brings me any sort of excitement...

Man, I truely feel your pain. I remember vividly what a broken heart feels like. How it's actually physically hard to breath, how your eyes tear up all the time. It sucks man. It will get better though. Time will heal you.

 

[lrsudog]

The woman I was crazy in love with when I was 24 (lived with her for five years) is not the woman I married when I was 29 and have been married to for almost 19 years.

I still think about the woman I was with when I was 24 all the time.

Would I trade my wife for my ex? No freaking way.

There are going to be some ex's in your life (if you are lucky) who are like cigarettes; there is something about them you will jones for the rest of your life, even after you quit them for good.

 

[pvmike]

Did you know that Dave (Turbo2Go) is 5' tall and 200 lbs? For a pudgy midget, the man sure knows a lot about women. :tongue: But really, he speaks the truth. Listen to his sage advice.

God, to be 24 and single. Don't wait too long to get back on that horse. You'll be missing out on time that all of us older guys wish we had back. Plenty of my married friends lament that they wish they had more fun when they were single or wish they had slept with more women. NEVER do I hear, "I wish I slept with fewer women" or "I wish I got married sooner."

Go have fun.

btw, it's kind of funny reading responses from the married members. First, there's the disclaimer ("I'm happily married, really") and then the advice ("Move on"). :biggrin:

 

[Stephen@NCAutoUSA]

Hey guys.

I just wanna thank everyone for chiming in on their own personal thoughts and advice. Turbo2go I'd like to thank you dude for a lot of things. I've always read your posts but never really understood things. However I do more so now. It's still hard to change up your lifestyle.

My life hasn't changed much though. Except that I took the advice and landed this real shocking hot girl but like many have extra baggage with a prior relationship. So I've landed myself out of a stressful relationship into another stressful situation.

I think at this point in my life I need a break, I need time, I need a change. I know everyones felt this way, it's just so hard to get out of a routine of things.

But thanks again everyone. I haven't got done reading the game, but I'm sure I'll finish it soon, it's a great read and opens you up to many other things.

Stephen

 

[slamstrom]

I think at this point in my life I need a break, I need time, I need a change. I know everyones felt this way, it's just so hard to get out of a routine of things.

Stephen

Stephen,
Like you said above, you need a change. Going from one stressful situation into another will likely result in the same outcome. My advice is to take a break and clear your mind. It is not just about finding the right person, but also being the right person. I've been married for 15+ years (first marriage), and my wife has the patience of a Saint. Furthermore, she has made me a humble person. Good luck to you in the short term, and make it a great life in the long term.

 

[clr1024]

I wouldn't be so fast to jump into another relationship. Really it's a band aid that ultimately will unravel and still leave you to deal with the emotions you have of your past relationship. Deal with that in the present rather than later. Personally, after a break-up I spend time doing whatever the hell I want, whether that's selfish or not doesn't matter, I have every right ot be that way. Or you could just look at it as doing soul searching, I find it good. Gives me time to figure out what I want on my terms. No one elses. I am not telling you not to date, dating can be fun and good. I would just avoid getting into a serious relationship now. Travel, hang out with your friends, do things you never could when you were with your ex. Even if that means doing nothing at all. Go to the gym, buy new clothes etc...feeling good about yourself will exude confidence...women love confidence...much more so than nice.

Just remember to make you number 1.

 

[Mike-san]

I wouldn't be so fast to jump into another relationship. Really it's a band aid that ultimately will unravel and still leave you to deal with the emotions you have of your past relationship. Deal with that in the present rather than later. Personally, after a break-up I spend time doing whatever the hell I want, whether that's selfish or not doesn't matter, I have every right ot be that way. Or you could just look at it as doing soul searching, I find it good. Gives me time to figure out what I want on my terms. No one elses. I am not telling you not to date, dating can be fun and good. I would just avoid getting into a serious relationship now. Travel, hang out with your friends, do things you never could when you were with your ex. Even if that means doing nothing at all. Go to the gym, buy knew clothes etc...feeling good about yourself will exude confidence...women love confidence...much more so than nice.

Just remember to make you number 1.

"Relationship" needs to be defined. There's that rough patch after a breakup where one will compare the new dates w/ the old girlfriend, but it's far better to get out and date rather than just sitting around alone. I could write more on this, but it would not be as insightful as the advice that Turbo has provided in this thread.

 

[clr1024]

"Relationship" needs to be defined. There's that rough patch after a breakup where one will compare the new dates w/ the old girlfriend, but it's far better to get out and date rather than just sitting around alone. I could write more on this, but it would not be as insightful as the advice that Turbo has provided in this thread.

I agree, which is why I said I wasn't telling the op to not date, rather just not jump back into a serious relationship. Also agree that turbo has provided great advice.

 

[NeoNSX]

As Neo said in the original Matrix movie, "Whoa!" It is impressive you have the strength to open up about something so personal on a site like this.

Woah.... I said that? Good advice!

Sounds like you're suffering what i call the 'one month blues' -- one month after a break up you forget all the crap, and start to remember all the good times and want to crawl back. Whether you do or not is up to you.

My suggestion is go buy a motorbike. Make sure it's a honda coz you'll LOVE it more than any woman and it will last LONGER than any relationship you ever have.

But jokes aside, take care of yourself right now. All us guys have been there. It's tough but you're not alone. You'll survive.

 

[NeoNSX]

Turbo2go ...the Neo of pu$%Y

leave me outta this....

 

[queenlives]

Sounds like you're suffering what i call the 'one month blues' -- one month after a break up you forget all the crap, and start to remember all the good times and want to crawl back.

chopsjazz was talking about just such a situation yesterday at lunch!

 

[TURBO2GO]

You know, there are two types of single guys. Guys that are single because they are in-between relationships, and guys that are single by choice. Most guys are single as they wind up in-between relationships.

Being single, CORRECTLY, is not for everybody. If you cannot attract lots of women on a consistent basis, being single by choice is no fun. It's better to have one woman that will accept you as you are, to be there for you at least most of the time. The easier route to go IMO.

You have to choose what you want. If you want to be the in-between relationship guy, then there will always be these ups and downs. If you want to be the "correctly single" guy, then that will require a lot of work. You will actually have to put effort into your persona, your life, your interests, your looks, and how you interact with both men and women. It is something you have to develop, so that when most women look at you they see something they really like. If this was easy, then everyone would be doing it because believe me, a lot of guys want that life.

Sduffass, this is the decision you have to make. Do I want to be guy A, or guy B? If one woman is going to soak up all your attention and energy, you will simply be guy A. You will continue to bounce. Guy A always asks guy B "Can you tell me how I can get this woman?". Guy B will answer "You can't", because Guy A's concentration is in the wrong place. It is on a woman, not on himself. Guy A wants some magic pill, some pickup line, some maneuver that he can pull off so he can get that one girl he happens to be all in love with at the moment.

One may see himself in a predicament at the end of a relationship, but that is actually the best place to be. It is a place where your energy can shift from being in the wrong place (on her) to the right place (on yourself). That doesn't mean "on yourself" as in I'll just go do other things. As in I give up. As in I'll go work on my NSX. As in I need time to myself, before I go out and repeat the same behavior again. It means "on yourself" as in I will do everything within my power to become guy B.

When it comes to women, there is a quote that will summarize the entire philosophy you need to have:

"Be the flame, not the moth"

I cannot say it any better than that. Most guys are moths.

 

[BATMANs]

LOL... OK steveny is giving me permission so I will keep going. :biggrin: I have a feeling more than one guy should read this on this forum.

You have to be the in-control man at every level of the relationship. Women will start to filter guys at a pretty young age for this, especially attractive women because they have a lot of men around. Even at the most initial interaction with a woman, when you say "hi", she has started her filtering process. You haven't spoken yet but she has made 10 judgements about you. Before you even noticed her, she may have been watching what you are doing, who you are talking to, how you are behaving. You may have already lost it all before you even opened your mouth. And then guys think it had something to do with what they said. LOL... "My opener was bad" they think to themselves. There was some thread here a while ago, "post your best opener". The opener doesn't even matter. I can open with "did you know that dirt is brown?"

She is looking for confidence, because a non-confident man will never be able to give her what she wants. If she is ready to get hitched then she needs confidence in her partner, and if she is young and having fun then she needs confidence and control in the bedroom. If you do well and look confident, she will still continously test you to see whether you hold up, or whether you fold. She may be negative towards you right off the bat. "Do I know you?"... "why are you talking to me?"... "Can you hold this for me?".... "Can you get me a drink?"... It won't stop. She is looking for cracks. There was another post here, Batmans said some girl pulled up to his friend and asked "Is your penis that small that you have to drive that car? (the NSX)" and he got upset over it and yelled back at her. He could have had her phone number. There were a few suggestions that he should have been harsh back with her. She was just an attaractive woman, saw a guy in a nice car, and wanted to see what he is made of. She tested him with her comment, and he failed. This isn't something women do conciously, they just do it. They can't waste all sorts of time with a loser. Be a hot girl and you will see 50 guys a day hit on you, it doesn't leave you with a lot of spare time.

So beware of this natural tendency to be tested. Don't get upset because an interaction seems to not have gone well. A woman being upset is not always a bad thing. If you are single, you need to get this idea of one relationship, next relationship, third relationship OUT of your head. If you are going from one to the next, thinking the next will be the good one, you are going about it wrong. It is not about the relationship or the girl. It is about who you are. If you become skilled, a whole host of women will always be around. The next test will come when one is upset that others are around... and she'll try to change that in any way that she can. She will play her game with you, and most guys fold and decide OK, it's a relationship between you and me only. At that moment, even if she got what she wanted, more security, she also lost just a bit of her attraction for you. Keep going down that same road, and she will say "we need to talk, its not working out for me". Yub, she did it, but now she wants out of it. In the same way that she will start a boring topic of conversation with you, then get bored and call you boring for it.

Good points.

confidence for women is how she determines (subconsciously) how much male hormones u have (guessing ur penis size *cough* ebony rooster), if u will run or fight if some dude breaks in ur house or picks on ur kids, if u have ambitions to afford a certain lifestyle, etc.

I know that being an asshole with a twist of humor has afforded me more gals than being Mr. Nice.

Women often see nice as a sign of weakness, but there is a balance of nice and being polite.

Also, being the one that cares less in the relationship gives that one more power in a relationship.

And finally, am I the only one that relishes viewing women consume penis-shaped foods?

PS- The guy that drove that NSX being accused of possessing a penis that didn't compete for much blood with his other brain does look like he might posess such a creature (no-chin waif)

 

[Mike-san]

It is not necessary to be an A-hole to pull chicks. To paraphrase the teachings of Turbo, it's really about self improvement in all aspects of one's self in order to reach a level that attracts the opposite sex based on the quality of the package you present to the world. As your quality increases, more people will clamour for time w/ you, hence your social value will increase and this increasre in social value will augment your attractiveness. W/out sounding corny, look to James Bond.....Hard to refer to him as a, A-hole right ? Yet he's attractive to chicks because he's polite, educated, well groomed, comfortable in social settings, quietly confident w/ out being arrogant, and no matter what, is singular in his approach to get the job completed (no matter what that job may be). I know it's just a movie, but it's a pretty good blueprint for how to act masculine w/out being a wimp or an A-hole