Here is my best Michael Moore impression:
O.k. folks, I can see that some of you are depressed, lacking optimism, have immense anger at the world, and even more anger at this miserable country we are cursed to live in. I know quite well that misery loves company..... so please come over here with me and my cronies and let's brood over how terrible life is made by those develish people on the right (Moore's right= anything short of radical liberalism).
O.k. folks, I can also see that some of you actually look happy. Let me be the first to tell you that you are not happy! In fact, you are actually under the spell of the vast right-wing conspiracy of happiness. Don't you morons realize that it is impossible to be truly happy in this armpit of a society called the United States? It's not your fault, don't feel bad. Spend some time with me and my good friends and we will convince you that you are actually miserable and depressed. You guys just don't get it, anything on the right is bad. This is precisely why I don't even use my right hand when I pee. Only the left hand for me. It's little things like this that are my daily reminder why I should remain unhappy for the rest of life.
Now people, in case you forget these powerful lessons I have taught you.... I will make movie after movie explaining why the United States sucks and why the government should be overthrown by the brilliant leaders like myself, my good buddy George Soros, Jenean Garofololololo, Al "I invented the Inernet" Gore, Howard "I scream a lot because I'm little" Dean, and most importantly our soon to be France transplant.... his highness Jacqueline Shiiiiiiiiirock... rock.... rock!!! Can you feel the excitement? I may actually get through a sentence without being negative now that I am imagining my quasi-socailist dream team taking over. It's only quasi because I threw in my conservative friends Al Gore and Howard Scream. Who said I can't be around conservatives? Al and Howard are so conservative to me that I can barely stand to look at their voting record. Screamy actually supported the 2nd ammendment, which is unbelievable in my vastly superior mind..... but I think he'll come to his senses eventually.
In closing for you in the back row, if by chance you were not able to hear my message... I'll boil it down for you. The United States is a cess pool of a country and you should be pissed off that you have live here. If you're not pissed off, well then you have been brain washed by the right..... because everyone should be as miserable as I am. Some people who claim to be 'logical' frequently ask me why I don't leave if I'm so miserable? The answer is simple really, how can ensure everyone else is miserable if I leave and don't have someone to fill my negativity pulpit?
O.k. folks, I can see that some of you are depressed, lacking optimism, have immense anger at the world, and even more anger at this miserable country we are cursed to live in. I know quite well that misery loves company..... so please come over here with me and my cronies and let's brood over how terrible life is made by those develish people on the right (Moore's right= anything short of radical liberalism).
O.k. folks, I can also see that some of you actually look happy. Let me be the first to tell you that you are not happy! In fact, you are actually under the spell of the vast right-wing conspiracy of happiness. Don't you morons realize that it is impossible to be truly happy in this armpit of a society called the United States? It's not your fault, don't feel bad. Spend some time with me and my good friends and we will convince you that you are actually miserable and depressed. You guys just don't get it, anything on the right is bad. This is precisely why I don't even use my right hand when I pee. Only the left hand for me. It's little things like this that are my daily reminder why I should remain unhappy for the rest of life.
Now people, in case you forget these powerful lessons I have taught you.... I will make movie after movie explaining why the United States sucks and why the government should be overthrown by the brilliant leaders like myself, my good buddy George Soros, Jenean Garofololololo, Al "I invented the Inernet" Gore, Howard "I scream a lot because I'm little" Dean, and most importantly our soon to be France transplant.... his highness Jacqueline Shiiiiiiiiirock... rock.... rock!!! Can you feel the excitement? I may actually get through a sentence without being negative now that I am imagining my quasi-socailist dream team taking over. It's only quasi because I threw in my conservative friends Al Gore and Howard Scream. Who said I can't be around conservatives? Al and Howard are so conservative to me that I can barely stand to look at their voting record. Screamy actually supported the 2nd ammendment, which is unbelievable in my vastly superior mind..... but I think he'll come to his senses eventually.
In closing for you in the back row, if by chance you were not able to hear my message... I'll boil it down for you. The United States is a cess pool of a country and you should be pissed off that you have live here. If you're not pissed off, well then you have been brain washed by the right..... because everyone should be as miserable as I am. Some people who claim to be 'logical' frequently ask me why I don't leave if I'm so miserable? The answer is simple really, how can ensure everyone else is miserable if I leave and don't have someone to fill my negativity pulpit?