Hello

[TigerNSX]

Hello, all,

It's been awhile!

Ever since last summer, I have been traveling and working non-stop. Waking up at 6AM and going home at 3AM have become almost daily routine. Getting on conference calls at 1AM is also a routine task.

At first, as someone who always had to go to the top schools, had to be the top student, had to get the most prestigious job, and had to be the top performer at work....I really enjoyed it. I liked working with "elite" people who were extremely motivated and competitive - everyone around me was hungry for presitge, power and money. I liked flying business class, riding private cars, dressing up in suits, dining at fancy restaurants, staying at classy hotels, working on deals that newspapers/media covered...

Nevertheless, I have started to realize that I am missing out on some of the most important things in my life - things that I did not consider when I took the job offer. Back then, I was just like those who were hungry for external things.

My daughter is about 8 months now and I get to see her and spend time with her on average 10-15 min/day. My wife, who had fully supported my decision to pursue "what I had thought to be my dream job", has started wondering whether this is what makes us happy. My health condition deteriorated. I lost smile on my face and replaced it with impatience and frustration.

I am at a point where I doubt whether I made a right career choice. I wonder if this will get better... I never realized balancing family and career could be this hard.

Today, I pondered deeply about what I wanted from my life. Then, I thought about happy moments in my life... going on a first date with my wife (exactly 11 years ago from today), spending time with her family and my family, the moment when I saw my NSX coming out of the Intercityline truck, , going on road trips with my wife in NSX, my first track event, seeing the birth of my daugther...

I also thought of you guys (that's when I decided to write). All of you in this community have always given me some of the best advices about life. Your life-long experiences and wisdoms have helped me become a better person with a high level of integrity and value. Thank you so much for this.

I plan to think seriously about my career path in the next few months.

It looks like everyone is doing well!! Sorry, I missed the Kids Day, NSXPO and all other events once again.

 

[RSO 34]

Great to hear from you again Yong. I can say I have "been there, done that" both professionally and personally and can understand what you are going through.

Let me give you the "Readers Digest" version of what my Real Property law professor told my class at the end of our first year of law school. We were supposed to review the materials for our final exam but he decided to lecture us for two hours about his life story.

He was a Harvard Law graduate and worked for a major law firm making the big bucks. He had a large apartment in Manhattan and a beautiful wife and spent most of his waking moments working on major acquisition deals. This is the life we all strived to achieve as we toiled away in law school.

One day he realized he was miserable doing all this and that he "wanted that life" because he was "supposed to" want that life. We were all primed to be the top of our class and get the most prestigious law firm offers as part of our training. He decided to quit his firm as well as his marriage and traveled to Turkey for a few months for some alone time.

Upon his return he turned to writing and teaching which paid a lot less but was more emotionally satisfying for him. At the end of his mini life story lecture, he advised us to seek out that which makes us happy and not that which merely creates the perception of happiness.

As I approached graduation I had job opportunities at major law firms making more money in one month than many families, including my own, earned in a year. I would have to work 15-20 hour days, seven days a week and be the lowest on the food chain. Out of a "class" of 30-50 new associates, maybe 3 or 4 would survive the 10 year partnership track and only one or two of those would make it "above the line" on the letterhead. Everyone would have been discarded or left having been burnt out with the hours and never really been the point person on any project.

But instead I enjoyed the challenge and theatrics of the courtroom although I understood that it payed a lot less and was also "looked down upon" by my deans who felt that my credentials were better put to use at a large firm. However, at a large firm I would never see a courtroom unless I was carrying a partner's bag into it for him and since I was a city kid I didn't believe in being anyone's caddy.

Fast forward 22 years and I have now been part of two firms that have grown and split but I am still going to court every day and have done over 250 trials and taken over 100 verdicts throughout the state. I have had good years and lean years financially but it is safe to say that I have never approached the type of income that I could have earned at a 1000+ attorney law firm if I had lived to become a partner there.

Despite it all, I love the courtroom and hope to continue doing what I have done for over two decades now. I will continue to worry about getting new clients and whether tort reform and alternative dispute resolution will cause my business to dry up but until then I will enjoy that captive audience in a jury box each day as long as I can.

Focus on what is important to you and your family and you will find that you will be rewarded more in terms of your sense of satisfaction and happiness than you could possibly achieve by looking at your W2 or 1099.

Hang in there, Yong.

Bob

 

[richn001]

I hear you both and the same thoughts have been running through my head. Everyday lately, I am becoming more and more disappointed with the one thing that has kept me in NYC...my job. It is becoming quite distasteful and monotonous and I totally understand the feeling of "losing my smile".

I think in life it is our profound duty to seek happiness. If not for us, for our family. I cant imagine how hard it is to balance family life and work as I dont have one of my own. I think its hard enough as it is. However, I look back at the hardships my parents endured and use that as a motivation. My parents went through a war, left their country, and fought tooth and nail to make it in this country. They always say the same thing. They did it for their kids.

Keeping that in mind and the fact that life is full of stepping stones, I think we all choose our path and each path has its fate. I am starting my own business at the moment and I think its my next step in life. Doing something you love and that is meaningful to you is the "right" thing to do...right? I sure hope so, but succeed or fail, I will be on my own terms. :smile:

 

[Liquid]

Some very good advice already given. I will add my $.02.

You have already realized that money and power in and of themselves cannot buy or make you truly happy. This does not mean money is a bad thing. Money allows you to make your life easier, more enjoyable, allows you to spend time with your family... in short it allows you to focus on what what makes you happy at a fundamental level. It also allows you the opportunity to experience things that may make you happy (such as when your NSX first came off of the carrier).

Life is all about prioritization, decisionmaking, and risk management. Is this a temporary period of struggle that you will need to get to and once you are on the other side? Is it a neverending rat race that will allow you to accumulate a ridiculous amount of money but never use it to enhance your life and your family's happiness? The answers to these questions will drive your strategy of whether you should just gut it out or find something else to do.

There are also huge diminishing returns when it comes to money and happiness. Going from a $20,000 household income to $60,000 will make you WAY more happy than going from $200,000 to $600,000. Going from walking everywhere to a Honda Civic will make you WAY more happy than going from a Civic to a BMW. You don't truly need very much. Your health is way more important than any of the possessions you own.

The hard part will be figuring out what is the optimal balance for you between income and happiness. It sounds like you are on a very extreme end of the spectrum where you work an insane amount of hours and probably get compensated in kind but that tradeoff is not where you want to be right now. So you should focus on figuring out a way to balance the two in a way that will lead to greater happiness and satisfaction with your life. You may have to reduce your income or take a job with less prestige to accomplish this. Or be creative with your skills and apply them in a way that will allow you to make the same income but without the extreme compromises you are making today.

Regardless of what you choose to do, be thankful. It sounds like you have many blessings in a loving and supportive wife, a healthy child, your intellect, etc. The list is truly endless when you think of it in the context of so many people throughout the world who don't have enough to eat, or can't see, or whatever.

Good luck.

 

[Climberao]

Yong,
I too have been down that road. I just left a consulting management position after almost 10 years to pursue a more leisurely life in Banking technology. What I have found is that quality of life doesn't necessarily mean more money and the things it buys. I have a much longer commute than before since I am now working in Manhattan but I actually spend quality time reading and relaxing during my commute. I too worked 7 days a week and very long hours being constantly on call. This also resulted in health concerns brought on by the stress of always being at the top of my game. and involved with client needs. I now spend more time at home relaxing and being with my kids instead of constantly on my blackberry or laptop.

I believe each of us needs to find the level of success that enables us to blend family, work and play. This may not mean being the top earner in your company but as many of my friends and family have said to me recently "you no longer hear the stress in my voice each time someone talks to me on the phone". It took me a long time to make the decision to move but I think it was the best business decision I have made in years and I think it has added YEARS to my life (through reduced stress) which will let me enjoy my kids, woman, friends and of course my NSX for many years to come.

You have been missed around here and we look forward to hearing from you.

Please let us know what you decide and whatever it is I wish you and your family happiness always.

Alan

 

[Deltron Zero]

This a great thread. You should have shared this with everyone.

 

[docjohn]

If you have a choice,and many do not working 2-3 low paying jobs,then the law of diminishing returns applies.Figure out what your current and future spending needs are,i.e the carrying costs for you and your family and plan your profesional life around that.It is not uncommon to be consumed by the job ,some relish that and others like yourself grow tired of it.I think you are ahead of the game if you have options,good luck.

 

[omeganorm]

My thoughts stem from my parents, they sacrificed themselves for the children to have a better life. It’s the typical story of parents not speaking English and depending on the children to translate, helping out at home while both parents are working and watch your parents work 7 days a week to take of the family.

I can totally relate to what you are going thru, I work for a hedge fund and I am literally on call 24 / 7 . My son was born in 2000, for the first 3 years I barely saw him. He was always sleeping. But I always took time for Birthdays and Holidays.

In the past I don’t think I was balanced in my life, but I felt it was necessary to make the sacrifice for my family. I did not have any personal needs or desires ie nice cars or live a certain lifestyle. I wanted to give my son a future and opportunity to have a better life than his father.

In the last few years my hard work paid off, I have achieved certain financial goals and I am able to relax. I feel comfortable in my career to reward myself. I bought my first NSX in June 2006.

I do enjoy the simple things like taking my son for a drive in the NSX. My son loves the NSX, my wife told me that she overheard him tell his best friend “Josh, when I grow up and learn to drive. I am going to get my favorite car, a NSX “ An interesting opportunity came along and I bought my 2nd NSX three months ago. I bought it for my son.

As some look for balance in life, I believed in making certain sacrifices for the benefit of my family. If you ask me was it worth it, I say yes. My son is 7 and I can take the time to watch him grow up without a single worry.

 

[TigerNSX]

Thanks so much for your advice and support. I feel instantly motivated that I am now in control and I should not be afraid of making difficult decisions.

I will synthesize your wisdom and make the best decision for my family as well as myself.

Thank you so much.