Guys and Marriage

[blknsxnoc]

32, almost got married once, but dodged that bullet
I have to agree with Joel. I thought that I would be married with children by 25 or 26 but after seeing all the disastrous marriages around me, I'm glad I waited.. In retrospect, it would've been a train wreck for me to have married so young. It took a serious and difficult breakup to see that I wasn't ready.

Today, I'd probably get married without hesitation if I found the right one but this is one of those things you should never rush or set a time limit for. When you're ready and meet your special someone, you'll know.

 

[NSXWIND]

I am pulling the trigger this year on 8-23-04 with my "wife" (I always say she's my wife even though not official yet until 8-23-04) I am 24,we have been cohabit for over 3 years so this doesn't really make any difference for me in terms of official marry or not. To me, is just a piece of paper, don't get me wrong I respect this marriage with all my heart, its just that we have been living together for such a long time so we kind of act as "married couple" already. I hope things won't change dramatically after we become official. I have heard some crap about how marriage can change a couple (in a negative way) hopefully things will work out. I'll post some pic after 8-23-04, wish me luck.

 

[Joel]

Married at 21 (she was 19) but we decided to keep pursuing our career goals. I travel a lot and she comes with me often. When we got married we said we'd wait 5 years and have lots of fun before having kids, well 5 years came and went, then 10, now 15 this year and well... o well.... I guess we are still having fun! Its nice having a blast and doing anything we want and whenever we want! At 36 and 35 respectively we're thinking more about kids. Hope its not too late. Oh and if kids do come...i'm sure they'd be a blast too!

EDIT: **If I had to do it all over again... i'd wait til i was 30. **

That last part begs to be asked the question: "Why?"

 

[JOPRIMO]

That last part begs to be asked the question: "Why?"

Because now at 36 I look back and say to myself "self... wtf happend to your 20's?"

Wouldn't it be better to be care-free in your 20's rather than worrying about serious responsibilities? If I knew as much back then as I do now, i'd wait, even though I found my lifemate at 21!

 

[MsKadyB]

I used to have this plan that I'd be married or engaged between 24-26 and have children between 28-32. I'm 21 and my parents were already married at my age. They are divorced now, SO... I can't imagine myself married right now. I just graduated from college and don't even feel settled in my own skin! I say it takes a good year or two at the very least to decide whether the person you are with is real marriage material. However, at the same time, I believe that when I do meet the right guy and things fall into place, all my "plans" could be tossed out the window and I could follow a totally different path.

 

[blknsxnoc]

I used to have this plan that I'd be married or engaged between 24-26 and have children between 28-32. I'm 21 and my parents were already married at my age. They are divorced now, SO... I can't imagine myself married right now. I just graduated from college and don't even feel settled in my own skin! I say it takes a good year or two at the very least to decide whether the person you are with is real marriage material. However, at the same time, I believe that when I do meet the right guy and things fall into place, all my "plans" could be tossed out the window and I could follow a totally different path.

I think that you're on the right track...

I'll tell you that I know now that my twenties was definitely not the time for me to get married.. but thats just me. good luck

 

[MsKadyB]

I think that you're on the right track...

I'll tell you that I know now that my twenties was definitely not the time for me to get married.. but thats just me. good luck

Thanks! I really need all the luck I can get right now. The thought of supporting myself as well as someone else is really scary. I don't think two people should get married until they are established. Money seems to be a big factor in divorce.

 

[blknsxnoc]

Thanks! I really need all the luck I can get right now. The thought of supporting myself as well as someone else is really scary. I don't think two people should get married until they are established. Money seems to be a big factor in divorce.

I've heard that sex is also a huge factor..not to mention.

Personal space
Careers
Family relations (inlaws)
Friends
General Interests

It seems like sacrifice, compromise and a genuine desire for one another's happiness, needs and desires no longer seem to be a consideration when people contemplate marriage.

I wonder sometimes if having the freedom to choose one's own spouse is ideal. Statistically, arranged marriages last longer. Both my grandparents were in arranged marriages and were together their entire lives. While i'm sure they had their ups and downs, they remained together untill they passed.

Anyone with thoughts on this?

P.S. I do not subscribe to or condone arranged marriages.

 

[digimanoc]

These days, people seem to realize what they want in a partner AFTER they get married...thus getting a divorce and moving on.
Money, sex, boredom, careers, in-laws...all have a huge impact after a period of time. I'm married w/ kids and have seen people split up for all those reasons. I've had tough times in my marriage too.....but we always seem to work through it.

I got married at 28.

 

[ajnsx]

Thanks! I really need all the luck I can get right now. The thought of supporting myself as well as someone else is really scary. I don't think two people should get married until they are established. Money seems to be a big factor in divorce.

You shouldn't even be worrying about this stuff, go out enjoy life's experiences, set yourself up in your chosen career. The right one (guy or girl ) may never come at all! Be happy and content with yourself first. You'll make better decisons later

Money seems to be a big factor in divorce

and the kiddies.........

 

[NeoNSX]

Money seems to be a big factor in divorce.

It usually is <B>THE</B> factor in a divorce.


All this worry about who you marry is...imho...pointless. because who you marry will end up changing anyway. we shouldn't be careless who we marry, but you can't REALLY know what a person is like beforehand. that's part of the mystery and excitement of marrying somebody. What is missing is usually a lot of patience, compromise (by both party's) and commitment to make a marriage work. So the issue is your character, not the other persons. It's doesn't just work itself out in the wash... it takes effort by both people.

anyway i'm getting myself worked up here. back to work...

 

[nbovelle]

I got married last year at 38. Most of my friends who married right out of college are now divorced and some are already on their second marriage. I can definately say that I loved being single. It seemed like the older I got, the more fun I had. When people used to ask me why I was still single in my late 30's. I say "I have the whole rest of my life to get married"! Anyway, fell in love with my now wife and put all of that fun to a screeching halt

 

[digimanoc]

...pointless. because who you marry will end up changing anyway.

This is VERY TRUE, great point. Both you and your mate will change after marriage,THAT is the biggest hurdle to over come.

 

[khiroshima]

More on this later, but I will post one thought.

Too many people feel that marriage is a destination and that everything will be OK . . . once I am married . . . Marriage is NOT the destination or the goal, it is merely a byproduct of a loving, caring relationship. It is too easy to see those around us and place timelines where they don't actually exist but in our own minds.

Kevin

 

[Joel]

This is VERY TRUE, great point. Both you and your mate will change after marriage,THAT is the biggest hurdle to over come.

Which leads me to wonder why people bother having a "type."
A person's "type" is who they are at that particular moment in their life. What I am now is not necessarily what I will be 5 years from now.

When dating, it's so easy to weed out people simply because we don't like a particular behavior. The problem with that is it doesn't leave much room for growth.

More on this later, but I will post one thought.

Too many people feel that marriage is a destination and that everything will be OK . . . once I am married . . . Marriage is NOT the destination or the goal, it is merely a byproduct of a loving, caring relationship. It is too easy to see those around us and place timelines where they don't actually exist but in our own minds.

Kevin

Looking forward to more of your thoughts....

 

[MF-DIF]

You cant really put an age on it. It just happens when you bump into the right girl and your life is in balance.