delete
- Thread starter bangbang001
- Start date
- Joined
- 1 September 2001
- Messages
- 4,123
Evel Knievel: Office Daredevil
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Bad Photoshop... you can see the duplications on the forehead and in the hair...
Here. How about now?
.
.
:tongue:
- Joined
- 1 September 2001
- Messages
- 4,123
Middle Aged Women Having Nasty Accidents
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- Joined
- 1 September 2001
- Messages
- 4,123
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check out good magazine....
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swarmy bugger kim & i share a bd...
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swarmy bugger kim & i share a bd...
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- Joined
- 1 September 2001
- Messages
- 4,123
The top 100 reasons it's great to be a guy
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
You never have to clean the toilet.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
The National College Cheerleading Championship
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Same work....more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
ESPN's sports center.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed.
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
Baywatch
There is always a game on somewhere.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
Movie nudity is virtually always female.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Monday Night Football.
You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You can open all your own jars.
Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
All your orgasms are real.
A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
You understand why Stripes is funny.
You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
Your last name stays put.
You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
You can kill your own food.
The garage is all yours.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
You never have to clean the toilet.
You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
The National College Cheerleading Championship
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Flowers fix everything.
You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
Foreplay is optional.
Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
The world is your urinal.
You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
You get to jump up and slap stuff.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
One mood, all the time.
You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Same work....more pay.
Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
You don't mooch off others' desserts.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
The remote is yours and yours alone.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
ESPN's sports center.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed.
Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!"
If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
Baywatch
There is always a game on somewhere.
- Joined
- 1 September 2001
- Messages
- 4,123
John Kanzius, sorely weakened by leukemia treatments, drew on his lifetime of working with radio waves to devise a machine that targets cancer cells. The miracle: It works.
Cancer Victim Invents Possible Chemo Alternative
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/story?id=3810892&page=1&GMA=true
Sending his cancer a signal
http://www.latimes.com/news/la-na-cancer2nov02,0,4741362.story?coll=la-tot-topstories
Cancer Victim Invents Possible Chemo Alternative
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/CancerPreventionAndTreatment/story?id=3810892&page=1&GMA=true
Sending his cancer a signal
http://www.latimes.com/news/la-na-cancer2nov02,0,4741362.story?coll=la-tot-topstories
- Joined
- 1 September 2001
- Messages
- 4,123
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- Joined
- 1 September 2001
- Messages
- 4,123
9 types of girlfriends and boyfriends
The 9 Types of Boyfriends
Joe Sensitive -
"After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg,
Snugglepup
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
Old Man Grumpus -
"People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."
Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover,
Jerk
Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass
Flinchy -
"I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle
Bigfoot -
"Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n'
Dumb
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
Lazybones -
"Zzzzzz"
Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams
The Sneak -
"Who, me?"
Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
Ace of Hearts -
"After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?"
Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
The Dreamer -
"Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--"
Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"
Mr. Right -
"While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in
my new yacht, ok?"
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction
The 9 Types of Girlfriends
Ms. Nice Guy -
"Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"
Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze,
Doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday
Old Yeller -
"You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can'tyou see you're making me miserable??"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
Sickly -
"Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious
The Bosser -
"Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job.
Make some money. Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied -
"I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair
color?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed
Wild Woman out of Control -
"I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it
before. S'fun."
Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs
Huffy -
"I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition,
Iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends
Woman from Mars -
"I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our
relationship."
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News,
Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud
Ms. Dreamgirl -
"I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of aboyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!"
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you
NOTE: I have been informed that this file was created by Matt Groening.
The 9 Types of Boyfriends
Joe Sensitive -
"After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?"
Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg,
Snugglepup
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
Old Man Grumpus -
"People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV."
Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover,
Jerk
Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass
Flinchy -
"I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle
Bigfoot -
"Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n'
Dumb
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
Lazybones -
"Zzzzzz"
Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams
The Sneak -
"Who, me?"
Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
Ace of Hearts -
"After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?"
Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
The Dreamer -
"Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--"
Also known as: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"
Mr. Right -
"While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in
my new yacht, ok?"
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction
The 9 Types of Girlfriends
Ms. Nice Guy -
"Tickets to the boxing match? Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!"
Also known as: Whattagal, Precious, one of the boys, My Main Squeeze,
Doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday
Old Yeller -
"You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can'tyou see you're making me miserable??"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans
Sickly -
"Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite."
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious
The Bosser -
"Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job.
Make some money. Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, Yes Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?
Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied -
"I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair
color?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed
Wild Woman out of Control -
"I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it
before. S'fun."
Also known as: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Goodtime Charleena, Passed Out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs
Huffy -
"I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
Also known as: No Fun, Humorless Prig, Cold fish, Chilly Proposition,
Iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends
Woman from Mars -
"I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our
relationship."
Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News,
Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud
Ms. Dreamgirl -
"I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of aboyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now!"
Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent, uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you
NOTE: I have been informed that this file was created by Matt Groening.
**NSFW** Language
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- Joined
- 1 September 2001
- Messages
- 4,123
The Mailman's Last Day
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after
35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather
to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house
on his route he wa greeted by the whole family there, who
roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his
way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine
cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific
fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly
beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by
the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed
behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where
she blew his mind with the most passionate love he ever
experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs,
where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham,
sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange
juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup
of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar
bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should do something
special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said,
'Fnck him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after
35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather
to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house
on his route he wa greeted by the whole family there, who
roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his
way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine
cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific
fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly
beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by
the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed
behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where
she blew his mind with the most passionate love he ever
experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs,
where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham,
sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange
juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup
of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar
bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day, and that we should do something
special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said,
'Fnck him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."
- Joined
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- 4,123
idiots wreck a brand new porsche
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- Messages
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- Joined
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- Messages
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Happy Thanks!
Jimmy Dean Sausage Complaint call (NWS)
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Jimmy Dean Sausage Complaint call (NWS)
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- Joined
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I have not laughed that hard in a VERY long time. Thanks BOB.
