Thanks so much for all of the sympathy, thoughts and well wishes. My overwhelmed feelings regarding the latest of the turn of events at the loss of my father is only matched by the completely surprising overwhelming amount of support from the Prime family.
It’s a mixed blessing that one gets to see the level of sympathy and support from people otherwise unexpected but at the most unfortunate times. I do appreciate the outpouring of kind words and thoughts from all of you.
My Father has always been full of health and life and it was inconceivable a year ago, he wouldn’t be with us today. What is ironic is that for the past year he was very downtrodden and no longer had an optimistic take on life, well before he was diagnosed with anything. It was if he knew he was dying, which he constantly insisted and our family dismissed as getting old and crotchety. Even in the last few weeks of his life, he knew his time was up, despite everyone else’s insistence of being hopeful through chemotherapy and radiation. It’s like he was just doing it to humor is; to just make everyone else in denial happy, but he knew that it was all in vain.
Not going into detail, there is a small pamphlet/book a nurse wrote to explain to those unfamiliar with death the natural process. It describes the different stages and moods of dying and it was extremely eerie how accurate it described the process of my own dad’s death.
The silver lining in his death was that it was neither instantaneous, leaving us all shocked and unprepared, nor did it drag out over several years of agony and pain. I was able to fly back home to spend a week with him and I feel like I was able to say all the things I needed/wanted to say before he passed. Yet, his suffering was minimized because a very short time later he quickly passed.
The one thing I learned from this was that while his passing was probably the hardest thing I’ve had to endure to date, what made it so much easier to accept was that I know he lived a long and fulfilled life (although I still feel cut prematurely). But also, I was able to make sure I left no regrets. I made sure to tell him everything I wanted to tell him about how great of a father he was. How everything he did and sacrificed allowed me to be the person I am today and how his sacrifices insured my success in life. I also tried to be the best that I could so that he die knowing he had a son (two of them including my brother) that he could be proud of. Towards the end, I also made sure to spend as much time with him as possible and to show him more affection that I ever had before. Most importantly, I was able to thank him and explain to him how much of a hero and role model he was in my life.
I couldn’t imagine having him pass without being able to say all those things to him. I would have lived with so much regret. So remember, to say these things to your loved ones before it is too late. Not everyone can be as blessed as I so please take advantage of this while you can. It may seem awkward or out of place, but you’ll feel better at least knowing that you were able to say it just once before you never get to see them ever again.
Thanks again to everyone on Prime for their understanding in a truly difficult time.
My thoughts are with you!
