Age difference of married couples where to draw the line

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cmhs75

Experienced Member
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Hi everyone,

I need opinions on this topic.

I had an argument with a colleague about the age difference in marriage. The argument was in particular related to large gaps in age such as say 10 years. My argument is that age should be taken as a factor but not a major factor. couples should worry more about being right for each other more so than age difference. My colleague counters that such people are selfish individuals. He calls them thieves for getting into such a relationship. He also mentions the fact that men don't live as long as women and the large age difference would cause one's wife to be a widow for a long time of her life.

I just wanted to hear more opinions on this topic from here since I value the mental maturity of this community.

Please, in avoidance to any sensitive flame wars, avoid mentioning too personal of a detail or in relation to any specific groups or ethnicities.

Thanks all in advance.
 
Your friend has made the assumption that the man is older, could be the woman..ask me how I know. In any case while age is a factor, things that prevail are life goals and compatability.
 
I just had lunch with Mr 2 & 2 Chuck Woolery and his wife (4th) who is 25 years younger. Good for him. :)

My future wife hasn't been born yet. :D
 
Another factor to consider is that women's biological clock comes much sooner than men. Although with current medical advances women can still bear children in their 40's, risks are higher at the same time ...
 
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Relationships succeed when the people care about each other. People caring about each other is way more important than any difference in age (or race, or religion, or even height, or any of a hundred other characteristics). If someone is in a relationship and it's working, chances are high he or she isn't giving a second thought to such superficial differences, and neither is his/her partner.

Think about how your post would read if you substituted differences in race or religion (or even height!) for the difference in age, and you will understand how ridiculous and out-of-touch your colleague sounds.
 
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I'd like to see the statistics on this too (I'm sure they're online somewhere). My experience, limited to 3 relationships with age differences of 10 years or more, has been to see all of them end within 5 years. It seems to me the differences would matter more the younger the people involved were (ie: ages 16 and 26 would be less compatible than 66 and 76). But hell, only about 50% of marriages/relationships make it here anyway :frown:. My take is that age matters. If you're at the same maturity level as you were 10 years ago, you've lost 10 years somewhere.
 
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The correct formula is (age / 2) + 7. So if your friend is 50, the youngest person he should reasonably date is 32.
 
kriderrx said:
Interesting formula you have there ...

What's the story behind?
Click to expand...

Common internet meme, for example, this xkcd comic:

dating_pools.png
 
My uncle was a college professor, married one of his students. He is now 74, she is 45. They've been together around 25 years, have a great daughter who is 20 and all was great.... until he had a stroke. Now things are not so good as she has to care for him... but that is irrelevant. They've been a great couple and age was irrelevant.

On a side note, someone I knew from high school who is 45 just married a 19 year old. It seems much stranger than my first scenario but really it's the exact same thing. He is also.... a college professor.
 
not many people stay married anymore, statistically only about a quarter of all viable people marry and stay married longer than a year... and we know many get divorced later on in the years. some are afraid to divorce and stay together in misery. marriage is a joke in my opinion.

i think only a few marry who they want and most just settle because they don't want to be alone and/ or it benefits them financially.

if an 80 year old man with money and viagra wants to bang an 18 year old gold digger until he dies, then that is their business. that would be a more successful marriage than most, as both know what they are getting into.

sometimes i feel the whole arranged marriage thing has its merits, as people in close proximity tend to bond eventually. they marry young and spend their whole adult lives together. mind you, im not talking about some rich old guy trading farm animals and goods for a daughter.
 
So far, no one has mentioned the money $$ component in any of these formulas? I know this is about age difference, but large sums of money seem to have a way of negating a wide age gap!
 
I just turn 40 and I had a 20 years old girl who was just in love with me.

I had a great time with her, but at the end, it wasn't feasible because her mentality was just too immature.

We stop hanging out and talking about a week ago.

One thing that really bothered me was the none stop texting day in and day out, with me or with her other friends.

I guess I'm just an old school. I told her maybe in couple of years if both of us are still single.

It was tough because when we had fun, we had fun.
 
BD said:
One thing that really bothered me was the none stop texting day in and day out, with me or with her other friends.

I guess I'm just an old school.
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Maybe so... but I'm 22 and I hate the texting just as much. I refuse to get a text plan - when someone texts me I say CALL ME (if it's urgent) or EMAIL ME (if it's not).

Taking a break from whatever you are currently experiencing to text all your friends about it seems like the modern equivalent of a "smoke break". Yeuch. Live in the moment people!
 
I make my own rules. I wouldn't want a guy more than a couple years younger than me because I would be insecure about my age. I don't want a guy too much older either, say within 6 years, although I was in a steady relationship for 4 years, with a man 11 years older than me. He didn't look his age and I still think he's handsome at almost 65, to my 54. To each his own.
 
Kyras said:
I make my own rules. I wouldn't want a guy more than a couple years younger than me because I would be insecure about my age. I don't want a guy too much older either, say within 6 years, although I was in a steady relationship for 4 years, with a man 11 years older than me. He didn't look his age and I still think he's handsome at almost 65, to my 54. To each his own.
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I think you just contradicted yourself ...
 
My parents have been married for over 50 years. My dad will be 83 this year and my mom will be 72. 11 years between them. Since someone mentioned the money factor, my dad made about $45K/year when he retired, my mom at that time was around $35K. So neither married for the money.
 
Since my birthday was yesterday, turned 46, and Renee's was in December, turned 32, there is currently 14 years difference between us. We met when she was 18 and I was 32 and have been together since. I knew it was love when I called her to cancel the first date because I had to get an apartment ready and instead of getting pissed she came with food and started painting. I am one lucky guy. We Lived together for 7 years then got married and had 2 kids. I told her if she was going to marry an old guy like me she had to go to college and get a degree in case I croaked so she wouldn't have to be dependent on anyone.

To the contrary I am more dependent on her than she is on me. She has grown our business several fold and all that I have is a direct result of hers and my hard work, although she works smarter. About 6 months ago she retired me from the manual labor work. She said she wants to be sure I'm around and that I don't work myself to death. Also I don't look 46, most people think I am late 20s early 30s. Renee looks 20. We were in a store not too long ago Renee is carrying our one year old and this old lady says all snotty, babies having babies.

when Renee and I met I had just started my business and had little money. Just recently she said that she was floored by the amount of drive I had and how I was so focused on what I was trying to accomplish. She said she had never seen someone with so much enthusiasm for what they were doing.

In order to find the right person you need to be the right person. If not for Renee I probably would not have bought an NSX or anything other than basic stuff. She has taught me how to relax and enjoy life. I grew up with work work work and the most simple things were a luxury. Renee grew up in a different environment where a random reprieve from work was ok and you wouldn't freeze or starve to death if you didn't keep working. Over the last few years she has eased me into this mind set. She has taught me to look at the value and not just the cost.
 
steveny said:
In order to find the right person you need to be the right person ... She has taught me how to relax and enjoy life. I grew up with work work work and the most simple things were a luxury. Renee grew up in a different environment where a random reprieve from work was ok and you wouldn't freeze or starve to death if you didn't keep working. Over the last few years she has eased me into this mind set. She has taught me to look at the value and not just the cost.
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first, happy birthday, steve.
second, it's been interesting watching the shift in your take on life these past few years. based on my own experiences, some of these are likely to come from parenthood -- good for you and your family, alike.
third, these continued posts about renee's hotness are useless w/out pics ;)

again, happy birthday, old man!
hal
 
Which is better, to marry the right person, give them 20 great years before you die, or marry the wrong person and get divorced after 20 miserable years?
 
queenlives said:
first, happy birthday, steve.
second, it's been interesting watching the shift in your take on life these past few years. based on my own experiences, some of these are likely to come from parenthood -- good for you and your family, alike.
third, these continued posts about renee's hotness are useless w/out pics ;)

again, happy birthday, old man!
hal
Click to expand...

I put pics of her up in the hottest girl thread but it looks like that thread is gone?

You're right about the parenthood thing. The crazy part is I would never have thought I would love being a dad so much... mostly because everyone I met before Renee was a basket case and if I had ever had kids with any of them it would have ruined my life! The whole hooves, horses, zebra thing.
 
ALL of my friends who's wives are older are divorced.

Women mature mentally faster than men so that was a bad idea from the get go.

There was some research on the news where much older men fared better in their health if their wives are much younger.

It had something to do with the men doing more physical activities and being more cognizant of their overall shape.
 

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