Suicide....your thoughts

[4AU4LIFE]

Last Saturday afternoon, I got a frantic phone call from my wife telling me that my sister-in-law was at her father-in-laws home and I had to get over there immediately because he had just commited suicide. So, I have been dealing with that for the better part of the past week.
Then, I'm getting ready to leave work on Thursday to attend the funeral for this person and a business associate comes in and tells me that a person I worked with and had known for ~15yrs commited suicide on Tuesday night. I was in shock at what I was hearing.
THEN, Friday afternoon I'm reading my email and I got one from my uncle that lives out of state entitled 'My daughter' where he tells me that my cousin had tried to take her own life on Thursday night !!!
When will this end?!?!?!?
So, I've been to two funerals in three days for people that were close to me that took their own lives and a third person that tried to.
I'm having a really hard time dealing with all this.
There are so many questions that we have that we'll never get answers for. Do these folks realize the devastation they are leaving behind when they do things like this? Do they honestly feel that death is the best and only way to deal with their problems? Do they even consider how the person that finds them is going to deal with that for the rest of thier lives?
Obviously, I have seen firsthand recently the results of someone doing this and can't imagine anyone wanting to put everyone that loves thru this type of situation. I want to be angry with them for doing it but also have compassion for them because they got pushed so far into a corner that they felt this was the only way out.
We are all second guessing ourselves on whether there were signs that this was going to happen and we just ignored them. Or we didn't think the person was capable of doing such a thing.
I guess you never really know what is going thru someones mind though.
I had just spoken with my cousin via email the day before and she was inviting me to come up and visit her. All seemed fine at that point in time.
Just having a hard time right now dealing with all this death and near death that keeps happening around me.

 

[eddiensx]

This is what happens when people lose hope. They look at their problems, and the problems of the world, and they feel powerless to change their situation, so they do the only thing that they feel they are empowered to do, they take their lives.

It's very sad when this happens, because 1- most problems are temporary 2- nothing is as bad as being dead.

Just know that they are not in pain anymore, or suffering, and god knows why they did what they did, and also pities them.

 

[NetViper]

Sorry to hear about this.

My friend just tried to commit suicide a couple of weeks ago. He seemed fine. Next thing I know I get a text that he is in a mental hospital. Freaked me out. They think he had something to do with his new medication. Scary stuff.

 

[flaminio]

I can't imagine ever committing suicide. I'm too curious to find out what happens next.

The only way I'd consider it might be if I had incurable Alzheimer's or something like that. The worst thing I can imagine is losing my intellect and the ability to recognize my friends and family. I'd rather off myself first with dignity before I'm too braindead to competently do it.

Sorry for your losses, 92NSX. As long as they are in your memories, they are immortal.

 

[sahtt]

You never know what other people are truly thinking day to day, even those closest to you. Times are hard and many people have never had to deal with a situation in which they aren't able to provide for their families, buy basic necessities, make their mortgage, etc. This is also the first time in 20 years that unemployment is high enough that if your problem is money related you might not be able to get enough work to fix your issues, no matter how hard you try. This can be a devestating realization.

When studying the economic ramifications of the great depression, a common theme was suicide unfortunately.

 

[passline]

Manic depression even hypomania can result in suicidal tendencies. From what I have read, medications such as Lithium, the doses must be exact and re-adjusted from time to time thus smoothing out the highs (mania) and the lows (depression). Were either of them treated or had anything like this?

Very sorry for your losses. :frown:

 

[tosugrad]

Suicide is for cowards.

Sorry to hear about your loss(es).

 

[UnhuZ]

Hi,

well... persons who try to suicide (independently of achieve it or not) don't think on what they are leaving behind and the pain that the people close to them will feel.... if they ever thought about that, probably wouldn't go ahead.

I think everyone thinks lightly of suicide in this or that situation somewhere in their life... but when the though becomes planning... and the planning becomes trys (action)... then i think that the person really thinks that suicide is really the only possible solution.

I too KNOW for a fact what it feels having a close person done it. I lost my cousin... my brother, as he lived with me for 21 years.... he was 3 years older than me.... he was the best person i ever knew... professionally very successfull... very responsable...very intelligent... very friendly...with a extreme high knowledge...and then...out of the blue...i receive a phonecall of my mother screamming just after she found him...man.... everyone was shocked as to WHY... nothing in is life showed us a reason...only one possible... emmotional... a love thing... he was a very reserved person with his personal feelings...

well...

sorry for my words... but reading the topic's headline .... i had to write about this....i just had....

Nuno

 

[javajohn]

I believe:

That life is eternal and that after death in this world every person lives on eternally in heaven or hell.

That the choice of heaven or hell is free and absolute.

That killing is not a sin but that murder is a sin.

That unrepetive sin will send me to hell.

That I do not own my body, my creator does, and therefore I have no right to kill myself because it is murder and not justified.

 

[Stephen@NCAutoUSA]

This is a touchy subject. That's some rough news you received in the past week but everyones been there before.

Here's my story... Shortened version of course... When I was 18 one of my good friends ex committed suicide by hanging himself. I was going to work, got a call from my friend saying "______'s been acting very strange lately with sending weird aim messages to me throughout the morning". I knew this kid "I call him a kid since he was 2 years younger than me" and knew him kind of well since of playing soccer with him and our high school was only 600 when I graduated the year before... So I pick her up, we drive to his house since her cars in the shop and the doors open in front of the house... Cracked open, no cars there since his parents both worked, and we didn't know what to do. His parents just moved out of our town so it wasn't one of those "I've been here before, let's just let myself in". We rang the doorbell a couple times but no answer and we got worried. We both decided to not go in "not sure what to expect" and decided to look around the house through windows. My friend was such a mess by now that I told her just to stay in the front and I'd look around the house. I started from the left side, and looked... Nothing, no signs of anything, then I go around the back of the house... Nothing again, no signs again...I think maybe nothings wrong, that he's sleeping, he's just maybe pretending or maybe he's just in some other room... I turn the corner, look in the last window in the basement and there he is...hanging...lifeless...I go in, cut him down, cops come, then I go to work and my boss bitches since I'm late and there's no one there to run the business.

To this day there's nothing that can answer the questions we had. Nothing made sense, nothing was resolved. Many people thought that he was selfish for doing this to all his family and friends.

I think under any circumstance anyone is capable of taking their own life. It takes the right combination of things. If you care and put all your happiness into something, and then one day it's no longer there, there's nothing else to look forward too... I think it's crossed everyones mind at one point or another.

This kid was 16 years old. I think in the top 10 in his class, president of some student club, and was almost straight A's. He had a bright future...

Your situations are different. I'm sure there's financial things in there, but if there's no hope, there's no way out, there's nothing to look forward to again, then suicide sure sounds like a great idea.

I'm not saying accept it, I'm just saying, some people are ticking time bombs just waiting to go off...

Stephen

 

[Jetpilot3]

Sorry to hear about these deaths and experience OP.

Its a touchy subject. I have a different take on it than the above posts.

My grandfather commited suicide when I was 12 years old so he was a role model to me in some ways. But unfortunately he had a long time drinking problem that he just couldn't shake. He never once touched a family member or his loving wife and really did a great job of hiding this dependence. His work never suffered either nor did his golf game. After numerous attempts at AA I guess he just couldn't take it anymore (he really tried hard as my mom and aunt have always said). I remember him teaching me about cars and golf so I have some really fond memories of his time with us.

One day he made it look as though he was working on his car in the garage and left the door closed. It was thru Carbon Monoxide poisioning that he then died. It was made to look like an accident but I always remembered him telling me to always keep the door open if your car is running in the garage. My grandma found him and I recall her telling me not to worry as he didn't want to keep harming us and she said she'd understood why he did it. She was always full of praise for him and never once did she have a bad thing to say about it or him.

Even though he committed suicide I and everyone else in our family accepted it as his way of ending his own misery. No, I don't think its selfish but one's only way of solving the problems they have. We are not the ones with their minds so how can anyone say its "Selfish". I don't seem to recall anyone telling me that my duty is to stay alive for the sake or benefit of others. I know that sounds morbid but honestly their mind is telling them to leave whilst there are methods (medication, support, therapy) that "might" help someone. As I've said might help but not a guarantee.

Very similar to the "some people are just time bombs waiting to happen" we can only be fortunate to not have these same minds and thoughts while we enjoy our lives.

Carpe Diem.

 

[ChopsJazz]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. I have been recently dealing with someone who also is working through suicidal thought and attempts. I don't know much about causes and treatments, but I can offer you a few insights on your questions:

First, this is a true statement,

There are so many questions that we have that we'll never get answers for.

We will never know all the answers left behind by one's taking one's own life. I won't believe that I know what is true for every case, but from what I have recently seen:
1. Do these folks realize the devastation they are leaving behind when they do things like this? No. Usually they feel the world will be better with them gone.
2. Do they honestly feel that death is the best and only way to deal with their problems? Yes. Mostly, it's just a matter of stopping the anguish of their lives. Waking everyday to their personal problems is unbearable.
3. Do they even consider how the person that finds them is going to deal with that for the rest of thier lives? That's the least of their worries.

Suicide is for cowards.

This is incredibly insensitive.

 

[docjohn]

the hardest thing for "normal" happy people is to understand the suicidal mind.Since suicide is not even an option for most of us we never can believe the reality.You don't have to be sick or depressed to do it.Look at all the suicide bombers all over the world they are just commited to a causeThe OP just has to come to terms with his own personal circumstance.I hope you can stop kicking yourself over not seeing the signs,or wishing you had intervened.As stated already some folks feel like they are doing us a favor.In general though depression is not solved by love,money,or any of those positive things we all desire and cherish.You wake up everyday feeling blue,the day is gray 24/7,nothing to look forward to ect.If you have friends like that you can suggest psychiatric/medical help.Meds and even ECT do work in select cases.

 

[goldNSX]

Sorry for your loss, 92NSX.

In general, suicide is the last right one humanbeing has and this should be respected. It's hard for the relatives but that's life, it's not always a day in the 7th heaven. All problems are relative and most over all subjective. That makes it so hard for the environment to understand. Why not let anybody go if he wants to?

For example, what is more painful: Forcing someone to live altough he doesn't want to just (for a long time) because the others can't stand the thought of death in general or letting him go? Death will overcome everybody one time, there's no difference between natural death and suicide IMO.

 

[fourringpilot]

Suicide can be very difficult to understand since it goes against aour natural self preservation. Self preservation is part our instinct that demands that we survive. Pain and fear are parts of this mechanism. Pain causes discomfort so that we are inclined to stop the pain. Fear causes us to seek safety and may cause a release of adrenaline which has the effect of increased strength and heightened senses such as hearing, smell, and sight. Self-preservation may also be interpreted figuratively; in regard to the coping mechanisms one needs to prevent emotional trauma from distorting the mind.

Many consider the roots of suicide to be mental illness - a disease. Just as certain diseases trick you body into fighting itself mental illness can tricks the mind into fighting itself. Pain is so unbearable that death can be the only release. You are no longer afraid of the uncertainty of death since you are more afraid of what living another day will bring.

A doctor can diagnose cancer, but it is very difficult for us to diagnose cancer in someone until they are too far gone. How could you be expected to know the extent of mental disease that these people were enduring? It is not your fault.

I do not believe in a personal god, but most religions teach that humans bear the likeness of god. This includes compassion, mercy, forgiveness, understanding, and empathy. I could never believe that someone having such a distrought life is now suffering more than they did before. There are plenty of real problems to worry about rather than fictional accounts of eternal bliss or torment awaiting you.

My thoughts go out to you and the families of those who died. Never take a day with your loved ones for granted.

 

[queenlives]

i'm very sorry to hear of your losses, my condolences.

i've lost a number of friends, acquaintances and relatives to suicide over the years... it was very difficult for everyone to deal with.

best wishes going forward.
hal

 

[texasmr2]

Lost five dear friends to suicide over the years and I still cannot fathom the anguish they must have been dealing with. All I know is I loved them dearly and wish they were still apart of my life.

 

[sahtt]

Sorry for your loss, 92NSX.

In general, suicide is the last right one humanbeing has and this should be respected.

This is also an important thing to remember. You can't take away someone's right not* to live just as you shouldn't end someone's life.

 

[NSXrebel]

This is incredibly insensitive.

but it's mostly true. The only scenario that I can think of that I would off myself is if I were in combat, my brothers are dead, I'm by myself, and the enemy is closing in. Knowing what Al Qaeda and Taliban are capable of, I'd rather eat lead before I let them behead me on TV/internet.

Sorry for your loss, 92NSX.

In general, suicide is the last right one humanbeing has and this should be respected. It's hard for the relatives but that's life, it's not always a day in the 7th heaven. All problems are relative and most over all subjective. That makes it so hard for the environment to understand. Why not let anybody go if he wants to?

For example, what is more painful: Forcing someone to live altough he doesn't want to just (for a long time) because the others can't stand the thought of death in general or letting him go? Death will overcome everybody one time, there's no difference between natural death and suicide IMO.

I'm with you on that one. I think keeping someone alive and suffering is more selfish. Now suicide because you have some financial/personal/etc problems, yeah, that's a cowardly thing to do.

 

[Big_D]

Sorry to hear about your family and friends. Best wishes to their families.

My uncle committed suicide at the beginning of the year. His longtime girlfriend died of cancer and he couldn't bear to live without her. So he decided to shoot himself in the head.

It was very sad to attend the memorial service and experience all the emotions it brings. There is no way to really rationalize it. They must feel like they are better off not living with their situation.

I am just thankful that we were able to spend time together while he was with us.

 

[carmar]

sorry for your loss. i know it is suck but things happen. especially, when the unemployment rate is so high and the economy is in a recession.

i have been taking train + bike to work and so far this year we have at least 7 to 8 accidents on the track and yet most of them are suicide. I remember there were two accidents that happened each day, back to back.

i also feel sorry to the train conductor as well, the poor guy is the first one to see the victim and yet the only thing that he can do is pulling the brake and pray for a miracle

 

[BATMANs]

I had a friend commit suicide.

Most of the suicide cases that I have known about seem to have something to do with some chemical/hormonal imbalance in the brain.

Couple that with a sad event and it's a recipe for disaster.

 

[4AU4LIFE]

Well, the saying goes 'That bad things happen in 3's' and I guess that should hold true for this set of circumstances also.
The brother-in-law that just lost his dad to suicide, has now also just lost his 1/2 brother to some type of illness. He has been in hospice for a few weeks so we all knew it was coming, just not when.
So, that makes it 3 deaths in a little over 1 week for the family.:frown:

 

[jond]

I don't think it's a simple issue.
What these people don't understand, IMO, is that their pain is temporary. Yeah it might seem like their life sucks, like nothing is going their way, that they're screwed, losers, etc, etc. But what they don't realize is it's temporary. Just get through the bad years and you will have good ones again.

It is sad, there's no two ways about it.
I'm sure everyone wishes they had the opportunity to talk to the person before they did it.

 

[goldNSX]

But what they don't realize is it's temporary. Just get through the bad years and you will have good ones again.

How do you know? In some cases you're maybe right, in some cases it's wishful thinking.