for you aviators and mechanics amongst us

710

Experienced Member
Joined
19 December 2004
Messages
937
Location
Belgium
Found this...

After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot. S = the action taken by the
engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
 
Best thread for a while :)
 
Dunno if its the beer i just consumed, but i realy thought that was funny....
 
Aero said:
Those are good. Many more like that here: http://www.skygod.com/quotes/
LOL, thanks, some of those are going on my list.

Does anybody know where I can get American Good Ol’ Boy expressions? I’ve searched the internet but I guess I’m not using the right keywords.
Expressions like:
She could eat a corncob through a chain-link fence.
or
Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory
or
I don't know if I should scratch my watch or wind my ass.
or
moved faster than a cat on a hot tin roof
or
You think that's tough? Try herding cats.
Or
Sh*t, why don't you guys just finish the job and come over here and shoot my f*cking dog too????

I once worked with an old guy from Texas. He used them constantly. We were constantly in stitches. Damn, I should have written them down.
I have heard hundreds of these but always forget them but I managed to write the above few down. Anybody know where I get a book with them or some links with them?

I have heard a few Aussie classics that cracked me up too, any ideas?
 
710 said:
LOL, thanks, some of those are going on my list.

Does anybody know where I can get American Good Ol’ Boy expressions? I’ve searched the internet but I guess I’m not using the right keywords.
Expressions like:
She could eat a corncob through a chain-link fence.
or
Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory
or
I don't know if I should scratch my watch or wind my ass.
or
moved faster than a cat on a hot tin roof
or
You think that's tough? Try herding cats.
Or
Sh*t, why don't you guys just finish the job and come over here and shoot my f*cking dog too????

I once worked with an old guy from Texas. He used them constantly. We were constantly in stitches. Damn, I should have written them down.
I have heard hundreds of these but always forget them but I managed to write the above few down. Anybody know where I get a book with them or some links with them?

I have heard a few Aussie classics that cracked me up too, any ideas?


How about:

*Busier than a one-armed [wall]paper hanger.
*Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
*My ex-wife's so ugly, she has bruises all over her from people touching her with ten-foot poles!
 
ChopsJazz said:
How about:

*Busier than a one-armed [wall]paper hanger.
*Nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.
*My ex-wife's so ugly, she has bruises all over her from people touching her with ten-foot poles!

LOL!!
Thanks! They're goin' on my list!
 
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