For all you Married Guys

MiamieNeSeX

MiamieNeSeX

Legendary Member
Joined
19 August 2002
Messages
4,713
Location
Miami, Florida US
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband
on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
Who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let's get a pair for each outfit.

We went to the jewellery department, where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited, she must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, ! "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT??!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell.



Govern Yourselves Accordingly. :eek:

Armando
 
Good one. I used to have a girlfriend like that. You notice I said used to. :biggrin:
 
PoohBEAR said:
Armando, you crack me up. I think I have a pig in the pen that could fly, but you have to provide the frozen hell:D hahahahahaa
Click to expand...
If you need something frozen , I can help. I do refrigeration :)

Armando
 
MiamieNeSeX said:
If you need something frozen , I can help. I do refrigeration :)

Armando
Click to expand...

Well, with all the icicles forming between you and your wife, I should think that you would have no problem with refrigeration. :biggrin:


I'm confused here. I'm not married so pardon my ignorance. She's asking for emotional security. Why'd you take her out shopping instead of talking to her? Just to prove a point? Women need to feel cherished as much as men need to feel appreciated (that's what the Mars/Venus book is basically about in a nutshell). Unfortunately, we do NEED to talk to our women to get some play in the bed. That's how it works I guess.
 
Joel said:
Well, with all the icicles forming between you and your wife, I should think that you would have no problem with refrigeration. :biggrin:


I'm confused here. I'm not married so pardon my ignorance. She's asking for emotional security. Why'd you take her out shopping instead of talking to her? Just to prove a point? Women need to feel cherished as much as men need to feel appreciated (that's what the Mars/Venus book is basically about in a nutshell). Unfortunately, we do NEED to talk to our women to get some play in the bed. That's how it works I guess.
Click to expand...

You do know this is a joke right? Which is funny because so is the being married part.


Armando
 
haha.. that was so funny.. can't wait to trick my wife this weekend ;) :biggrin:
 
Last edited:
MiamieNeSeX said:
Now there is a brave man. Please post pictures of the black eyes and blue balls :biggrin:


Armando
Click to expand...

You sure you want to see my blue balls??? :confused: :biggrin: :eek:
 
TigerNSX said:
You sure you want to see my blue balls??? :confused: :biggrin: :eek:
Click to expand...
Sure, once you do that to your wife youll be smacking these around by youself. :)
racquetball.jpg

rball.jpg


Armando
 
Brilliant story!!! ROFL

I wish I had the guts to really do something like this... But I said nothing and ended up just getting divorced instead!

I actually read a "home economics" (subject for Australian high school girls) text from like the 50's and it stated that...

"Withholding or not performing your marital duty is justification for your husband to get it elsewhere..."

Boy how the times are a changin'....
 
MiamieNeSeX said:
Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell.
Armando
Click to expand...
This reminds me of a real story in my life.
We had just moved into our new house and I was standing next to my wife's sister staring at the 200+ boxes stacked up to the ceiling filling the entire room and there were more in the other rooms.

I said something like " Wow I can't believe it! Look at all these boxes of junk, Jeeze!"

My wife's sister replied in a nasty tone "yeah, well you wanted a bigger house!"

Never able to SHUT UP and walk away I retorted: "No, I just wanted to stop having sex alone... all this other stuff came along with it!"

She did not feel obliged to keep our observations between us and it was hell to pay for me. In several small, seemingly unending payments.
 
MiamieNeSeX said:
You do know this is a joke right? Which is funny because so is the being married part.

Armando
Click to expand...

Yeah, I read that same story on Fchat a month or so ago. Still funny though.
 
blackcat said:
okay how many of you guys out there recommend Prenups?? If you had a chance to do things over what would you change or do different??
Click to expand...
I think Mr. Grey Goose will chime in on this one..................... On part one of your query, no prenup. On part two ..... marry a 96 year old heiress with absolutly no family, if you play your cards right and put in the right amount of time maybe she'll get you a Comptech SC :), then once she goes away you can buy yourself a real SC :biggrin:


Armando
 

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