Closure. Of a sort.

[Hasdrubal]

Some of you may remember, a few weeks ago, a post I made. Telling a story about how I was deployed to Iraq, and that my sister had taken my car joyriding, and an attempted theft that followed.

I remember that the community here responded to my story in a very positive way, and weeks later I still very much appreciate the kind words. I'm home now, and the story has in a way, come to an end. I have the car back from the shop, and it's just as much fun now as it was the day I drove it home.

I also remember some well meaning individuals asking me, advising me, and telling me to forgive my sister for being so irresponsible. One person even tried to bribe me, I think- offering a hundred dollars towards my repairs on the condition that I forgive her. Only a few minutes ago, I spoke to her about the incident, asking her why she had gotten behind the wheel after being told not to, and here is the response I got, in an angry, yelling tone. "Shut up. You know, I really don't give a s--t what you think, so just go away."

You would have to have been there to understand the sheer contempt in her voice as she said this, and I am still a little stunned. She has no intent to pay the insurance deductible (fine, it's just money), no intent to explain the wrinkles in the front fenders I found when I picked up the car (I'm not sure it was her, but to swear at me and storm off rather than to explain or deny it is uncalled for), and no intent to even apologize for what in my mind could be considered as grand theft auto. She maintains that she did nothing wrong, and that is the end of that.

To those well meaning people who advised me to forgive and forget, I'm sorry, but I don't think I can. The upside is that the car is fine, and I'm on good terms with my dad (who at least is sorry that he didn't see this coming). The downside is that all my sarcastic and biting internal monologue (including those bits that became external and spilled onto my first post) about what a despicable human being my sister has become turned out to be true. I don't feel angry about any of this, anymore. Just sad.

Nick

 

[PoohBEAR]

I believe family problem is personal....keep it private and deal with it yourself and among your family. No need to get online for this..................just my belief.

 

[davidf]

Good luck with future dealings with your sister. Ya know I just don't understand whats with todays young adults. They can f**k up time after time after time and still feel the world owes them!!:frown:

 

[Dtrigg]

I believe family problem is personal....keep it private and deal with it yourself and among your family. No need to get online for this..................just my belief.

Agree. It's a car. She is your sister. Think about where this will be 20 years from now.

 

[ChopsJazz]

The bottom line is that you know your family far better than any of us will ever know them. You can't choose your family, as you can your friends, and sometimes they act in ways that you would not accept in the circle of friends that you keep. I'm sorry your sister behaves in this way. You'll deal with that dynamic the way that you, and only you, choose to manage it.

I'm sorry for your family struggle. Keep your chin up (and your head down!) and keep that car in good condition so you can drive the hell out of it when you're safely home.

 

[s14_tat]

I'm sorry but there are many times where i've seen family members who are complete scum bags. they would scheme for life insurance money on their own parents and wish for them to have a quicker death so they can cash in on the money etc etc. Sometimes if your a scum bag, your a scum bag regardless if they are family or not. In fact they might be even bigger pricks and take advantage of the whole family thing because a stranger would've smashed her head in. I would just call the cops on her ass and teach her a good lesson. If she don't learn it from you, she might learn it in the worse possible way where she might really get hurt. Just showing the other side of things. I feel no compassion for the scum of this world, they are a waste of our resources. ( not directing this towards your sister but you get my point )


How old is your sister? I am very curious and was she always the spoiled princess in the family? If she is married how does her husband deal with her?

 

[Cozmo]

That must've been your car I saw over at ZahnTech last week or the week before. Hopefully she grows up eventually. Until then keep your keys well hidden.

I agree about the 20 years from now thing.

 

[PhiAlpha44]

I'm sorry but there are many times where i've seen family members who are complete scum bags. they would scheme for life insurance money on their own parents and wish for them to have a quicker death so they can cash in on the money etc etc. Sometimes if your a scum bag, your a scum bag regardless if they are family or not. In fact they might be even bigger pricks and take advantage of the whole family thing because a stranger would've smashed her head in. I would just call the cops on her ass and teach her a good lesson. If she don't learn it from you, she might learn it in the worse possible way where she might really get hurt. Just showing the other side of things. I feel no compassion for the scum of this world, they are a waste of our resources. ( not directing this towards your sister but you get my point )


How old is your sister? I am very curious and was she always the spoiled princess in the family? If she is married how does her husband deal with her?

I couldn't agree more. Are your parents still around? What do they think of her? If that was the way my sis treated me, I'd disown her. It's not about the car. To hell with the car. It's how she's treating YOU! And if that's how it is, well I think you're better off keeping her out of sight, out of mind.

 

[MJK]

Some family members are just crazy. I won't get into details, but I have seen things like this in my own family a couple times over the years. One is in the process of self destructing at the moment. The pattern is exactly the same as I have seen once before in another family member. Stubbornly take a delusional, obviously false and self-serving reality and defend it with such vehemence that maybe you even believe it yourself. (Maybe this is easier than recognizing and fixing your flaws?) Get angry if anything is presented to conflict with that false reality. Usually, they even feel like the victim and this inflames things further - doesn't matter how constructively things are approached if they are not getting what they want. Its really a stunning thing to watch, and in many cases a drastic change from who you thought that person was. It is jaw dropping. I know the feeling you are talking about here.

If there is one thing I learned, it is that you can't fix crazy. You can still care about the person, but believe me when I tell you this type of behavior will likely continue and increase in frequency as time goes on. It seems like once they snap, they are not coming back.

Cut your losses, and separate yourself from any future dealings with them. If you want them in your life at some point in the future, make sure it is on your terms or you'll keep getting sucked into the craziness.

 

[TyraNSX]

Just because someone is a relative does not mean thay can't be a lying, manipulative, ungrateful, user, POS. It's the people closest to them that get taken for the longest ride because everyone who isn't related & who has a brain got away from them long ago.

 

[tosugrad]

If your sister treats your car like this, how does she treat the rest of your family?

Its like those people that abuse animals. It doesn't stop there. They always abuse family as well.

Regardless of the outcome, THANK YOU for your service.

 

[MAJOR STONER]

 

[Ibn Rushd]

What she did to the car becomes irrelevant because it's now about how she's treating you. So who cares if the car was damaged, it's fixed. But it's your relationship with her that's damaged and in the end money can't fix that.

Forgive the mistake, just dont' forget it...in a sense, be wary now...it's the best you can do.

 

[AngelcityNSX]

What she did to the car becomes irrelevant because it's now about how she's treating you. So who cares if the car was damaged, it's fixed. But it's your relationship with her that's damaged and in the end money can't fix that.

Forgive the mistake, just dont' forget it...in a sense, be wary now...it's the best you can do.

Excellent advice right there!

Sorry to hear about your inconsiderate family member. Some people walk around thinking their sh*t dont stink...You must have seen this coming long before this mishap. Looks like you took precautions before you left and warned her not to touch it, but despite your efforts and worries...you ultimately can't control what others will do.

May I suggest a quick release steering wheel?

 

[Meeyatch1]

Agree. It's a car. She is your sister. Think about where this will be 20 years from now.

Being a blood relative does not give someone a free pass to be a manipulative and disrespectful piece of crap. Sorry, but forgiveness only goes so far. If my sister had done that, she would find herself in jail.

 

[AR]

Just because someone is a relative does not mean thay can't be a lying, manipulative, ungrateful, user, POS. It's the people closest to them that get taken for the longest ride because everyone who isn't related & who has a brain got away from them long ago.

Very true words.

How old is your sister Hasdrubal?

Cheers,

Ary

 

[Aiken Drum]

Think about where this will be 20 years from now.

People seldom, if ever, change. Unless she was driving it at age 14, she won't be any different in 20 years, and this fellow is well-advised to steer clear of her.

Being family doesn't bring automatic forgiveness for everything. Do something bad enough, and you have to earn forgiveness, just like everyone else.

 

[NemesisX]

Im glad you got closure of sorts and things turned out fine with your car. Unfortunatly i think you learned just what kind of person your sister is when "the chips are down for you". I congratulate you on your attitude. You are by far the better person. Live, Learn and forgive.......but never forget!

 

[csmeance]

I read up a little bit and this is my take on it:
Look, your car is fixed and what's done is done. You can't change any of that now. Your best bet is to not talk to her about this and just to leave her alone. Karma will kick her in the ass, not you.

 

[NSX GT]

First of all, we appreciate your service in the Sand Box, and glad you came back safe and sound. After being gone for sometime, I would think that your sister should be glad to see you back home.

Disregard the damage to your car. The attitude alone is now the subject.
I'm sorry, but I guess I'm not as kind and forgiving as most here. Given her response and sh-tty attitude, she needs to be taught a lesson and not just get away with it. What if she does this to a friend's car, or what if she hits someone by accident with the vehicle. Bottom line she needs to learn now before it's too late.


Just my opinion.

 

[N Spec]

Yea, I mean if your side of story is true and it appears that you are the victim, I would not let this situation go unnoticed. I honestly would have called the police to handle the matter and a grand theft auto charge might change her attitude. This has gotten past the CAR and now has to do with her acknowledgement of wrong-doing. She obvious has some issues functioning in a normal society if she can't admit she's wrong or even apologize.

How can you forgive if she has not even apologize with sincerity? Hell, atleast she could give you a fake apology. You cannot let this attitude go on. If she is a grown woman, this is an problem, and if she's in her teens, it's still an issue. She's needs a punishment of some sort. You don't take someones car, inflict damage upon it and then get off scott free without any remorse or apologies. I say you forgive after she apologize once she realizes the consequences of her action. A pending grand theft auto charge will change her thoughts. Hell, if she does not feel the need to apologize, I say some time in prison might change her outlook. Of course, you drop the charges after she really admits her wrong doing.

This is all based on the story you presented.

 

[Aiken Drum]

N Spec--

Meh... an apology out of fear is not an apology. If someone doesn't feel bad for what they did to you, they don't. Mimicking the effect by feeling bad about what's happening to them is inadequate. It's like the bully's mom telling him he has to say sorry to you, or he'll get his ass kicked at home, but you just know he's going to beat you into the ground tomorrow when mom's not there. It's meaningless.

The only apology is one that derives from empathy and compassion. If it ain't there, no amount of prodding will produce it.

 

[H-carWizKid]

Grand theft auto? I thought his Dad gave her the keys... It would be hard to make that stick. Implied permissive use is not theft, even if it seems that way. If a permissive driver handed her the keys, then in the eyes of the law- she was permitted to use the vehicle.

Of course- situations vary, but with the limited info in this post and last I would say you would have a hard time getting charges to press. There is no law against being an a$$hole to your brother.

To the OP

Sorry for your situation- it is particularly hard when a family member is the root of disappointment. The good news is the car is fixed, and now you are home and can go enjoy it! Hopefully eveything else works out over time.

P

 

[Ski_Banker]

Man, sorry to hear your story... I can relate.

It sounds pretty clear that she has very deep seated feelings of contempt or anger towards you, for whatever reason. So, there's not going to be any "reasoning" you can do with her. If you have an idea why she is so angry at you, and it is something petty, you might be able to resolve that over time. But if this is a sibling issue built over years [of whatever], then there's nothing you can do but move on with your life, knowing you're the better person.

If you know any of her friends, maybe they can tell you something you don't know about why she is so pissed at you. And, if you decide to go the "FU" route and seek retribution, getting email-evidence from them could be helpful.

 

[N Spec]

N Spec--

Meh... an apology out of fear is not an apology. If someone doesn't feel bad for what they did to you, they don't. Mimicking the effect by feeling bad about what's happening to them is inadequate. It's like the bully's mom telling him he has to say sorry to you, or he'll get his ass kicked at home, but you just know he's going to beat you into the ground tomorrow when mom's not there. It's meaningless.

The only apology is one that derives from empathy and compassion. If it ain't there, no amount of prodding will produce it.

Well, it's not that you are trying to bully her. It the fact that you are bring the consequences of her action to reality instead of yelling at her and basically letting her off so she can still act the way she does. That way she will understand the severity of the actions and delevop a true feeling of regret and remorse for her actions.

I was unaware that the father gave her the keys. So it gets complicated. I've seen a similar situation. My buddy is cop and he let his sister drive his civilian vehicle with all of his gear in it. She left the rear window down and some kids unlocked the door over night and ramsacked all of the police stuff, particularly his badge. She was like it's not my fault, and yada yada. Luckily they somehow found the kids and the stuff, well most of it.

Meh, these things make sisters or females in general look bad, but what can you do? I say you just disown her and don't talk to her unless you need to. I mean if you are a decently tight family, she will notice that you upset with her over a long period of time. This is not a good thing to hold a grudge, but she deserves it from her behavior. As the future arises and hopefully she matures over time, she will realize what she has done and finally apologize with sincerity. That's when you forgive and maybe forget. I would still never borrow or use any of my cars/possessions though. That's the only thing left to do when the situation is complicated like this.