anyone out there with experience in domestic violence?

[Black Knight]

this is the first place i can think of to post such a request.

i just received a phone call from a close friend today asking for some advice on domestic violence. this is something that occurred this past weekend.

here's the story.....her female friend got into a fist fight with her own boyfriend and was beaten in the chest and back. as a result, she was treated in a hospital. she probably no longer wants the relationship but doesn't want to have her boyfriend arrested as well. she just wants a restraining order to keep him away from her. during the fight, she also damaged his car.

she's not familiar with domestic violence laws so she asked her friend to find out for her. consequently, her friend called me.

i'm not familiar with such cases either but i'm sure someone on this site may be familiar with such laws.

here are a few questions

1. can she just file a restraining order? will the police go further into the case if they knew that she was beaten and hospitalized? (remember..she only wants him to stay away, not arrested)

2. how soon will she need to report this. will the credibility decrease as she waits longer? it just occurred this past weekend, perhaps saturday.

3. what else can she do at this time?

i hope someone could give some good advice sometime today so i can get back to my friend.

thanks so much for your help!

 

[PHOEN$X]

Sorry to hear about your friend. I'm sure the fine people at many of the domestic violence organizations can help you answer these questions and offer other assistance as well:

http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=domestic+violence

Good luck.

 

[Black Knight]

thanks, phoen$x.....

i've got some responses by pm as well. i have confidence in the vast knowledge of this fine group....

 

[NsXTaCY168]

My personal opinion :

I think she should report the incident to the local law enforcement agency. It's much easier to secure a restraining order that way. Yes, he will get arrested. However, it's a good lesson for that abusive bf/husband. If he has any guns registered to him, it will be taken away for safe keeping at the station. While the restraining order is in effect, he won't be able to purchase any firearms.

I been to numerous DV cases, although the spouse might not want us to arrest, we have a duty to arrest him/her. Most offenders are guys who repeat their illegal actions over and over again until they get arrested. I believe they need some time behind bars and by then, hopefully they will realize the consequences. I've noticed most DV offenders are usually mellow in a jail environment, surrounded by other criminals. They prefer helpless victims who are smaller than them.

I hope this helps......Let me know if you need any other advice regarding the criminal justice system.

Kevin

 

[bacon]

domestic violence laws are going to vary from state to state but the one thing that i can guarantee you is that she will need to file a police report prior to applying for a protective order or restraining order i can only speak for georgia but if she calls us to file the report the longer it takes the less likely she will get her restraining order.....if the injuries are dated we will take pictures for her and tell her to apply for the arrest warrant on her own...there are exceptions to all of this but yes it is possible for her to get a protective order without the guy going to jail.........but please tell her that this is the wrong way to go....he needs to be arrested.....protective orders and restraining orders don't usually deter losers like you are describing.....plus please tell her that no matter how many times he tells her it won't happen again it will we get called out to the same houses over and over again........she is headed in the right direction but try to tell her to stop protecting the criminal......there is also a bunch of agencies that her local police department can get her in touch with to talk to women that have been through what she is going through....here in georgia we carry domestic violence brochures in our cruisers that we are required to give victims of domestic violence.........hope this helps

 

[DocL]

Although I have not been involved in any domestic violence cases, but I have had to intervene in a child abuse case. The person who was physically harmed must go to the police. If she wants the abuse to stop she must press charges. If she tries to break up with this guy he wil beat her again. Unfortunately emotional feelings stop us from doing what is necessary, which in this case is having him arrested.

Her life can be in danger if she doesn't do something about his behavior now.

 

[Black Knight]

thanks for all the advice....i've already relayed this information to my friend. i also hope that her friend reports this incident if she has not done so already.

my friend also told me that her friend is a bit hesitant to report this incident due to the fact that her friend's boyfriend is currently filing for permanent residency in the US. though she cannot forgive him for what he has done but she also doesn't want to jeopardize his status for residency.

what do you guys think?

 

[bacon]

send him home

 

[RoNSX]

We Don't Want Him

my friend also told me that her friend is a bit hesitant to report this incident due to the fact that her friend's boyfriend is currently filing for permanent residency in the US. though she cannot forgive him for what he has done but she also doesn't want to jeopardize his status for residency.

We don't need anymore abusers in this country. Jeopardize his residency.

 

[Black Knight]

i couldn't agree with you guys more. there's already enough violence in this country. plus the fact that my friend told me exactly what happened to her friend made me want to report it for her. however, i must respect her friend's final decision.

at least i have lots of feedback to give to her friend. she's also new in this country so i can imagine the fear of not knowing what may happen to her and that guy.....

 

[NsXTaCY168]

I think it's time for him to GO!!! I wouldn't want to see his abusive behavior escalate into something more violent. Besides, I'm sick and tired of our tax dollars going to house and care for these prisoners.

Tell your friend to report him and proceed through the legal system until he gets deported.

Kevin

 

[tararan]

tell your friend to get that guy deported outta here before he does it to somebody else in this country. no need to feel sorry for @$$hole like that.

but to answer your question
- she can file a restraining order without charging anything to the scumbag.


but if she files a charge she be sure as hell that the scumbag ain't gonna be in this country for a long time.

 

[Zuerst]

You said she damaged the BF, or the ex-BF's car during the fight. Now if that car is the NSX, she... J/K

But like many had already said, try to convience her to report him so this type of thing won't happen again to another person.

 

[Black Knight]

i was pretty upset after hearing what my friend said today. she told me her friend still didn't report her boyfriend yet. she is hesitating because she still loves him......very sick, IMO.

i should just get out of it before it drives me to the point to report him myself.

 

[D'Ecosse]

... she is hesitating because she still loves him......

Noah, unfortunately this is a trend in continued abuse cases - the dominating party is always apologetic & makes the victim feel they were to blame for invoking the behaviour. I had a good friend I would never have believed could succumb to that treatment yet suffered in silence for years because "she loved him" & was made to feel it was "her fault" that provoked it.
It takes professional help to undo the feelings of lesser self-worth, on top of the physical injury which heals much quicker.
Have your friend report this - it's not her problem - she is obviously already feeling guilty about jeopardinzing his immigration status, when he alone is responsible for it through his actions, not her for bringing it into the open. She should probably also seek some counselling to re-assure her she is blameless (as should her friends to reinforce that)

 

[NSX UNITED]

I second what D'Ecosse is saying but then again, it all comes down to the victim's final decision. Letting him get away will only do more damage to her in the future if she continues to be with him. It's not all that surprising to find her still loving the guy after he beat the crap out of her. It's human behavior, it's all psychological for the girl to believe the guy will change (most certainly not) after this incident and give him a second chance. The best thing she could do is, let him go this time (because she still loves him) but don't be with him anymore. That way, she would fulfill her love and caring for her boy friend (or soon-to-be-ex-boy-friend) and not getting herself hurt in the future no more.

 

[Black Knight]

how about this....

what if my friend reports this incident as an anynomous person and have the guy arrested. realistically speaking, his gf didn't do it and she still loves him but he will get a share of his lessons.