Anyone ever dealt with Bulimia?

[Brian2by2]

A dear friend of mine is dealing with this very serious eating disorder right now and I seem to be one of the people she confides in the most (she's told me stuff no one else knows, and I was the first and only one to know about this for a long time..now her parents and psychiatrist know as well).

Here's the details: she's 19, B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L, not overweight at all, but not the typical skinny fashion model. She thinks she's overweight and ugly, even though she won most attractive girl in her high school. There is one thing in her early childhood that is a huge factor, but its very personal.

Also, she is about 300 miles from home right now, and i visit her as much as possible, but I really think she needs to be home. She's like me: not a partier and definetly not cut out for a college town. She's been talking to me non-stop about how bad she wants to come home.

She's also very very religous.

If anyone here has dealt with it personally or has helped someone deal with it, please PM me!! I promise I will hold any information in the utmost confidence and it will be for my eyes only! But i really want to help her!

Thank you guys so much! Any help is appreciated!

 

[Eric5273]

I know a lot about this from personal experience (with a family member). It always has something to do with something during childhood and has very little to do with weight. The worst thing you can do is tell her she looks thin. It's best to avoid the subjects of weight, appearance and food alltogether. The best thing you can do is just be her friend and let her know that you care about her. The best thing she can do is seek out a support group. Unfortunately, this is not a problem easily cured, and much like drug addiction, most people will struggle with this for their entire life.

 

[Brian2by2]

Well, if it almost always something to do with a childhood experience, here's my question:

Do i betray her trust and tell her psychiatrist, in hopes that the psychiatrist won't address the issue unless my friend confides in her enough to tell her, but it would allow the psychiatrist to make a better diagnosis? In order to do this, i need to get the psychiatrist information from her mother, which means the mom would know that I am somewhat involved (which may be a negative because she likes me, but didn't like me going out with her daughter and would probably put up the "its my daughter, she tells me everything" shield and possibly feel ackward towards me or go into denial about her daughter confiding in someone other than her...

 

[Eric5273]

I don't know. Does she accept that she has an eating disorder? Does she openly admit she has a problem? She needs to attend a support group. That will help her far more than a pschologist. I'm assuming this childhood experience is something along the lines of being raped. She needs to understand that her current problem is related to that.

 

[Brian2by2]

not raped...but similar.

She accepts the eating disorder but is very hush hush about it. I was the only one to know for about 6 months and now her mom knows and her psychiatrist (not psychologist) as well.

I know the past incident is directly related, but she doesn't have it in her to talk to the psychiatrist about it. It took her twenty minutes to tell me and I had a box of tissues and my shoulder and hugs to help her through it, but she said she felt liberated telling me, so that definetly leads me to believe that she needs to tell her psychiatrist.

 

[Joel]

She's also very very religious.

My ex-girlfriend works at an establishment that addresses eating disorders. While mostly anorexics, they sometimes get a client who is bulimic.

Surprisingly enough, she told me that most of these women (there are occasional guys, but only once in a blue moon) come from middle class, Christian households.

Go figure that one out!

 

[Brian2by2]

Joel, would you somehow be able to put me in contact with this establishment? I'm looking for any help I can get. Last night she told me that she thinks this is punishment and that it will last the rest of her life.

 

[DocL]

...She accepts the eating disorder but is very hush hush about it. I was the only one to know for about 6 months and now her mom knows and her psychiatrist (not psychologist) as well...

First, if the psychiatrist is already aware of her disorder it should already be a part of her therapy sessions. Second, does she attend college? If so, I'm sure there is a campus support group that helps people with eating disorders. I personally don't suggest that you call the psychiatrist, but you can definitely ask her mother if her daughter has discussed her current emotional distress lately. Also, I would have another discussion with your friend and make it clear to her that she is not alone in her situation and that she must talk about it with her therapist. That's why she's seeing one, right?

Good luck. You seem to always want the best for your friends and that is a very admirable personality trait.

 

[Brian2by2]

Thank you for the kind words DocL and the advice as well!

The only reason I would consider going to her therapist is because the story that I know is very crucial to her situation and as of now, the therapist believes that it is primarily due to past relationships, when in reality, its something far more severe.

I would only talk to the therapist under the agreement that she not mention our speaking or the story I tell her to my friend because it would destroy her trust in me, even though I'm only looking out for her best interest.

Several people have told me so far that Bulimia is often caused by a traumatizing early experience just as much as low self-esteem.

DocL, if you don't mind me asking, your name suggests you're a doctor (obviously). Is it in a medical field?

 

[DocL]

Brian, I do have a degree in Psychology, but I'm a dentist. I can only suggest that you help your friend realize her need for help in this situation. I deal with people's emotions everyday and although psychology is a big part my routine, sometimes there are things that are out of my league. This being one of them.

I do have the name of someone locally if you need it. Just send me PM or e-mail and I'll be more than glad to help you.

 

[Joel]

Joel, would you somehow be able to put me in contact with this establishment? I'm looking for any help I can get. Last night she told me that she thinks this is punishment and that it will last the rest of her life.

I'll get the phone number out to you as soon as I can.

 

[Justin664]

Brian,

I have not dealt with bulimia, but I have dealt with person that has severe depression. From my experience, the only time to intercede with a therapist is if the person's life is in danger. I have been in that situation before, and it is not a good situation to be in. By interceding with her therapist you can alienate her from you and poison her relationship with her therapist.

I would suggest that you talk to her about what you see as a problem. Encourage her to speak with her therapist and don't make any judgemental statements to her. I think that your best course of action is to be an additional support for her and try to encourage her to include this in her sessions.

 

[huckster]

im really sorry to hear about this whole situation. Bulimia is (like all eating disorders) really difficult to understand and to treat. Friends, like the friend you appear to be, are one of the best things for someone with this sort of problem.

Having a therapist involved with this issue is really important, and it sounds like she has already brought this up in therapy?

You mentioned some dilemmas involving whether you should share information with therapist et cetera?

This is NOT professional advice of any sort. For me the confidentiality of the relationship precludes any crosstalk with others involved, Unless she is part of the conversation, or unless someone is in immediate danger. If you feel compelled, ask her for permission to go visit her therapist together.

Good luck with your friend. What she is dealing with is very very difficult. Best wishes.

 

[huckster]

uuhh, justin664 alreeady said it, even better than I.

 

[Justin664]

huckster,

you know what they say about great minds.

Brian, good luck and let us know if there is anything that we can do for you.